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Category: Fun

Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

April 19, 2019 | 13 Comments

Realistic Female Hero Novel

Here is my new novel, in its entirety, a cynical attempt to cash in on the teen fiction phenomenon with its obligatory grrl power heroes, heroine being a dead word.

Qristol Vulva Manslayer hastily pondered the fork in the road, sweat causing the blue dye in her hair to leech onto her cool winged collar ($59.95, Sista Knitters, Etsy) which nicely framed her serious but cute face, knowing she had only moments to choose the right path to freedom before evil agents of Paytree Arc Corporation would be upon her to steal the long-awaited Proclamation Of Tolerance—which, when read to the People, would cause Paytree Arc to abandon its foul mission to forcibly enslave and impregnate the nation’s women—when she simultaneously spotted the longbow and a Paytree Arc Agent—six-foot-two at least, smokey eyes, bursting with muscles, an effortless stride and untamed beard, rugged, hard features, and a drawn sword—coming at her, a situation that ordinarily would not have defeated her, except she couldn’t pull back the bow (110 lb draw strength), a situation that led her to say, as her head separated from her shoulders, “What a man!

The End

I’m thinking of entering this in the 2019 Bulwer Lytton contest. What are your entries?

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February 1, 2019 | 4 Comments

Great Moustaches In History

There is something about a tyrant or the smell of blood that brings out the whiskers.

Literally Hitler

Scoff if you like, but there isn’t anybody alive since 1940 who doesn’t know that ‘stache.

Comrade Stalin
Ambrose Burnside
Otto von Bismarck
Caesar Bill
Lionel Richie
Statistician to the Stars!?

Stay tuned!

January 11, 2019 | 5 Comments

The Atlantic Wants Help In Creating A New Holiday. Let’s Help!

The Atlantic, the magazine that thinks well of itself, wants to create a new holiday, the old ones having grown stale.

With that in mind: We’re in search of a new holiday. And we’re hoping for your help in creating it. Maybe, for example, there should be, sometime in the dark days of winter, a National Stress-Bake Day. Or maybe February would be a little more festive were Galentine’s Day to be converted from a sitcomic treasure into a more broadly celebrated holiday. A beloved local tradition that deserves more widespread recognition? Weird Family Stories Day? Get Back in Touch Day? Resolution Revision Day? Turn Off the Internet Day?

They’re taking suggestions, which can be entered at this link. Here’s my entry (which I made using my real name and address, typos and all): The Feast of Baal.

All entries must be completed by today, the 11th, so hurry and get yours in.