Rick Santorum Says Devil Pwons Hollywood

Santorum was out flogging a movie in which he has an interest—The Christmas Candle—and was heard to say of more traditional Hollywood fare that “the Devil for a long, long time has had this, these screens, for his playground and he isn’t going to give it up easily.”

I know what you’re thinking. What else explains Transformers, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and the fell rumor of Transformers 4? What other than dark forces could be responsible for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd?

Could it be only a coincidence that Shia LaBeouf is an anagram for Oh! Abuse! Fail!? I think you know the answer.

Two words: Adam Sandler.

Yes, this is the twenty-first century—counting from when, pray?—and we’re supposed to pooh-pooh the idea of invisible forces guiding our lives—of course the Higgs field is real—by why else would Chuck Norris—Chuck freaking Norris!—have succumbed to plastic surgery? Say it isn’t so, Chuck! It’s so.

Now I, along with Justice Scalia and millions of others, am with Santorum on the reality of the Prince of Darkness. “And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.” Frightening stuff.

But given its history and the grim determination of its denizens, it figures that the Devil doesn’t actually put in a lot of time in La La Land. It’s a cliché, but why mess with success? Its the audiences that are the real worry.

One final item to prove Rick was right. Hal Needham has died! He took his final drive into the sunset last night. It was Needham, the stuntman of stuntmen, a man who broke over 50 bones, some of which were his own, who brought us such cinema classics as Smokey & the Bandit, Hooper, and Cannonball Run. God rest you, Mr Needham.

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Update I don’t know if anybody noticed, but this makes three weeks in a row…