Did you hear? Our top universities gathered their number-one administrators and professors at a secret conclave and, acting as one, created a new device which will “revolutionize” college learning.
You’ve seen the stories. Even the Washington Post is writing about it: An online college revolution is coming.
Seems the device is made to store the knowledge of any professor and transmit it to any student. Free. There are minor costs in producing the device, but they will be absorbed by the universities themselves. Students themselves pay nothing.
And who’s a student? Anybody. Unlike MOOCS—massive open on-line courses—and other distance-learning schemes, these new devices will be available both on-line and off-line. To anybody who says, “Me, please.” That is what makes them so revolutionary.
Anybody, anywhere, and almost any time may walk into one of thousands of distribution centers and pick up, at zero cost, one of these devices. Or they may download them on line instantly (though sometimes there is a small fee for recently produced on-line devices). Either way, the students take the devices home with them and then access the material.
You do not have to be registered at a university, there is almost no paperwork required (except for signing your name on the registration form at the distribution center; every city has at least one location), and there is no schedule. You do all this at your own pace with nobody ever breathing over your neck. Talk about stress relief!
Imagine! All the world’s knowledge available at your fingertips! There is nothing you cannot learn! Just grab and go. I mean it. Any subject from astronomy to zoology yours for the asking. Just ask! Did I mention it was free?
Yes, sir. It really is just that easy. I’m so breathless because the implications of this new program are huge; incalculable, really. It is impossible to over superlativeize (yes, superlativeize). One professor maps to a potentially infinite number of students. Everything worth knowing will be input into these devices and no student is barred from learning. Even prisons—yes, prisons—will have these devices. These devices are entirely judgement free, making them the first things mankind has ever created that was.
The on-line material you already know about (since you are reading this on an on-line blog), but a few words must be sad about the off-line devices. Universities being what they are, the folks who created these devices has the poor and downtrodden at the top of their minds from the get go. That is why the devices can be accessed at no cost.
But it’s better than that. The devices are supported in every known language. They are made of renewable material and are nigh on indestructible. Unlike Kindles, Nooks and the like, they require no machine to run on: they are entirely self-contained. And, get this, the off-line devices are designed to work without active energy input. They work on the African veldt miles away from any outlet. They use the ambient electromagentic field to operate.
While marvelous, the details can get technical. But the good news is that the devices require no operating instructions: they are that easy to use.
All we have to do to make this revolution happen—imagine how the world will be a better place!—is to get the word out to students. That’s where we need your help: to pass on the word. We don’t want these things to remain a secret and all that learning going to waste.
Hey, student! Look at what you can do! You say you want to learn? Well here is the tool to make that happen. All we need is you to do what you say you wanted to do: learn. Walk into a distribution center today, pick up one of hundreds of thousands of devices, and access the material.
What are you waiting for! Get going!