Update: the embeddings have been shifted to links, because the embeddings were eating up too much memory on some people’s browsers.
John Lee Hooker/George Thorogood, One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer. Intelligent or regular readers will recognize this tune from Chapter 3 of Breaking the Law of Averages. The original Hooker version can be found here.
Bob and Doug Mackenzie, 12 Days of Christmas. By the finish of this merry carol, the boys will have consumed half a case, which is only a meager six pack each, a paltry amount, it being Christmas. I have quizzed recently two people who called themselves natives of the Great White North, yet they claimed never to have heard of Bob and Doug. Naturally, they were lying.
Walter Ostanek And His Band, Beer Barrel Polka. I’d prefer the Schmenge edition if it existed, but it doesn’t, so I can’t. However, if you can’t enjoy this Walter Ostanek version (a band from the semi-fictional land “Kanada”)—if you can’t seriously picture yourself stein in hand clapping and singing along in full throat—it is sure proof you have no soul. Cancel your subscription to the New York Times immediately and begin enjoying life.
Dr Demento, In Heaven There is No Beer. This is a Satanic song, and no doubt why the Pope himself quaffs in plain sight of cameras, to give Hope to us all. The best version—which I have not been able to find—is by Da Yoopers, a group from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Incidentally, the poor people who live in the Lower Peninsula are called Trolls, because they live under the bridge (Mackinaw, that is).
Todd Snider, Beer Run. “B, double-E, double-R, U-N, Beer Run…All we need is a ten and fiver, a car and a key and sober driver….” I defy you—yes, defy—not to sing along with the chorus.
Roger Miller, Chug-a-lug. The only thing that keeps this one from being first is that Miller waxes poetical about spirits other than the fruit of the hop. Miller is almost forgotten, but I can’t imagine how this could be so. At one time his magnificence guaranteed him an appearance on The Muppet Show.
Tom T. Hall, I Like Beer. “Whiskey’s too rough, champagne costs too much, and vodka puts my mouth in gear. This little refrain should help me explain; as a matter of fact, I like beer.” Of all songs about beer, this one most closely resembles a hymn, and thus justifies our semi-theological theme.
(Mysteriously, the song starts after Bob and Doug have a play.)
“Say! I notice you have forgotten Weird Al Yankovic’s The Beer Song. What about that, Briggs, you fool?”
Answer — I did not.
“You didn’t say too much about the pope. Once again, you have written a misleading headline.”
His Holiness is hefting a Franziskaner Hefe, amen?
“I listened carefully to Chug-a-lug and there isn’t one word about beer.”
You must be bureaucrat; your mother must be proud of you.