See You On The Other Side

Half the country will be unhappy late tonight. Or in a few days, when the last of the new votes are “discovered”. Yet be of good cheer! This was all foretold. We are an “our democracy”, or at least an oligarchy fast on the way to one. All democracies end in hilarious fashion. We will, too. Be grateful you were here as it was happening, to see and feel and experience it, and to help in the glorious Restoration. Pity those who will be born later, presuming they still have people who are born in the future.

Quick lesson in probability. For me, there are only two outcomes of interest. Either Fascist Beast Dictator-On-Day-One Hitler Nazi Hitler will be declared winner, or The Cackler will. Other events, such as the sweet meteor of death, the Second Coming, and the missiles flying, a parting gift from the neocons and they abandon ship, I rule as too unlikely to be concerning. At least for now.

Outcomes are always subjectively chosen. I chose these. Next comes the evidence probative of each. From that we deduce our probabilities. The evidence has been done to death, so I will not bore you with it again. Point is, I judge it at least thrice as likely Fascist Beast will be declared the winner than the Cackler, which is equivalent to saying The Cackler has some chance.

Acts and decisions come after the probabilities, and are tuned to the individual. I am going to act like Fascist Beast will win, and will begin drinking in celebration sometime early this evening. Fascist beasts are the natural choice of notorious Thought Criminals such as myself.

Clever readers will have already noticed the hidden brilliance of this plan. Because if my decision is wrong, I will still have gotten a good head start on getting drunk just as the waves of bitter realization hit.

Which is the reason for my good cheer. Whatever happens, I win something!

On second thought, let me point you to evidence of which you might not have heard. Tree of Woe paints a completely legal scenario in which, even if Trump wins the electoral votes of all fifty states, The Cackler can seize power with the cooperation of Congress and SCOTUS, just by having Fascist Beast declared an insurrectionist on 6 January 2025.

It’s all there, written into the law. Hiding in plain sight, as it were. It’s not clear to me if this scenario would have to be clear to The Cackler. If so, and she has to be the instigator, we are safe from this outcome. For awareness of facts and of complex legal arguments, or indeed of complexities of any kind, are not among her strengths.

Since there’s no point rehashing the election evidence, let’s examine a scenario or two of what happens should either candidate be declared winner.

Fascist Beast Wins

The news informs us that: The Fascist Beast will begin by executing his most hated enemies, and will put the rest in concentration camps. Migrants will be frog-marched to the border, shot, and left to drown in the Rio Grande. Women will lose control of their bodies, which is just as well, because a lot of them are not putting those bodies to good use.

Fascist Beast will institute a nationwide 100% sales and income tax. He will make mean faces at “minorities”. He will task his VP, The Beastlette Nazi Hitler Nazi, to gun down women if they use the word abortion in public. MAGA soldiers will occupy all blue cities and forbid leftists from talking nonsense.

Fascist Beast will forget his heretofore ardent love of a certain foreign country. Indeed, he will surrender to all foreign enemies. He will sell Alaska and Iowa to Putler (China already owns California). He will seize Greenland to build his palace.

He will become Dictator For Life, and when his Magnificent End comes, he has ensured The Beastlette will take his place, and serve as Dictator for the remaining forty to fifty years of his life. Yet the Beastlette will only be the face of the real power. The real power will be Elon Musk, and certain other oligarchs, who have uploaded themselves into The Cloud, where they rule for eternity.

All celebrities will migrate to Canada, they promise us, which will cause that country to declare war on Fascist Beast.

All leftists will view Fascist Beast’s victory with calm, peaceful acceptance. They will not riot, scream at the sky, nor weep. They will instead seek out their former enemies in earnest friendly attempts at peace and making America great again.

The Cackler Wins

The future is a little murkier here. I say the only way she gets in is by ambitious obvious election fortification. But we’ll be told she won fair and square. Which all TV watchers and NPR viewers will believe, because these sweethearts believe anything their devices tell them they must. My friends, if I told you what these people believe, you’d call me a liar and never speak to me again. Conservatives will say “We must accept the results.” The Cackler’s enemies will be goaded by propagandists, hoping that at least one person overreacts. And they’re right to hope so.

On the positive side, The Cackler promised blacks a lot of money, presumably to make up for their being black. Everybody else will get a lot of free money, too (but not as much as blacks, because that would be racist). And free houses, millions of them, which she promises to personally build herself. People will no longer have to work, so generous will government subsidies be, but those who do work won’t have to pay taxes. Prices will be lowered on every item everywhere, if not eliminated.

All women will be given free and automatic abortions. Any man who calls a woman “ugly” or “fat” will be arrested. Any man who impregnates a woman will be arrested. Any man who tells a woman she is wrong will be arrested. Any man who attempts to hold any woman accountable will be arrested. All students, from kindergartners on up, will be taught the joys of complete sexual liberation.

Every person everywhere will be declared a citizen of the United States, and be eligible to vote, even remotely. Everybody everywhere will be granted a slew of new “rights”. All people will be awarded PhDs, from Harvard, and minorities will be awarded them with honor. All whites will be undergo sensitivity training until they no longer suffer from whiteness.

Putler will be nuked, as will all countries surrounding Our Greatest Ally. The nuked countries will not launch their own nukes in retaliation because they will be told it is racist to do so. Radiation poisoning will be outlawed. China will be made to enter NATO.

Happy Election Day!

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