UFOs in Taiwan

There are a lot of scoffers out there, UFO wise. We are told by our intellectual betters that flying saucers do not exist, that only ignorant hicks and poor country folk self-deluded themselves into believing they have seen them.

Yet all previous witnesses appear to have been possessed of a form Parkinson’s which affected their camera hands, rendering all proffered photographic proof ambiguous.

Scoff no more! For finally is definitive evidence of visitation of alien intelligences. Sure photographic documentation is here made available for the first time, presented by your reporter on the spot.

Near as I can figure, in the late 1970s, shortly around the time the U.S. Air Force was reporting to the world that Project Bluebook revealed that UFOs were fraudulent or mere mistakes, a fleet of vessels from outer space not only visited Earth, but set down roots for the long haul.

The ships are still here, in Taipei as I write.

As befits an interstellar star jumper, these vessels are large, about the size of a modern sky scraper. Indeed, they use their resemblance to modern architecture in an attempt to blend in. Why? Perhaps they are biding their time awaiting the signal from the approaching fleet to begin the invasion in force. Or maybe they are marooned here and have entered a sort of stasis and will only awaken after mankind progresses to a true Enlightenment.

But never mind why. They are here. Take a look at this one, trying to nestle between two banal buildings.

This next one was clearly trying to signal to a brother UFO. If you’ve ever seen Close Encounters of the Third Kind you’ll know this is how UFOs speak.

This is the other ship with which it was communicating. Eerie!

This next vessel was the most intriguing. Its muscular appears suggest it to be a battleship of some kind. It looks poised. It breaths. It is threatening. Notice, too, it’s communications gear is pointed straight up. This can’t be good.

Not all the ships that landed here faired well, as this last example proves. Poor thing! It is a hollow shell, infested with alien life forms (us) and barnacled over with, God help us, advertisements. I don’t know if this one lives as the others do or whether it is a mere carcass.

Finally, I present a terrestrial object, but one which is sighted in Taipei as rarely as any UFO. It is a public trash can on the street. I have been all over this city and have found only about twenty of these. This is because the rules governing the handling of garbage are stricter here than even in San Francisco, and the government will not countenance unaccounted for trash.