“Holy CO2, Gaia Girl! It’s the evil Christopher Monckton, 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley! We have to stop him before he goes all Lordly on us!”
“Gosh, you’re right Flash Carbon! But what weapons can we use against him!”
“Never fear, men!”
“I mean people. Never fear people.”
“Just so we’re straight.”
“Never fear, I say, for I, Lieutenant Monsoon, have a plan!”
“What kind of plan could you possibly have to defeat such raw evilness? I’m Gaia, goddess of the whole Earth! While you only represent a localized seasonal change in precipitation patterns!”
“Gaia Girl is right, Lieutenant. Which is why I, Major Terra, outrank you.”
“What can you mean! Just look at my uniform! I obviously am superior to you!”
“Majors outrank Lieutenants. Everybody knows that.”
“If you were any good, you’d be a general!”
“Boys, boys! That’s enough!”
“Don’t you start, too, Weatherman!”
“Boys and female creature! It’s so simple! I shall defeat him by forecasting his doom!”
“But that would mean that forecasts become more important than actual events! Nobody would ever fall for that, even evil Viscount Monckton! I’m Flash Carbon, so I’ll just increase his local CO2 and he’ll retain so much infrared energy that his blood will boil!”
“OK, boys, it sounds like a plan! Everybody all together!”
Such is the dialog we might imagine the characters of the new site Global Warming Superheroes to have (though I’ve cleaned it up and made it into intelligible English, something with which the sites’ authors are unfamiliar).
Those who imagine themselves superheroes—the future of humanity depends on them!—really do have an enemies list, and of all the evil “deniers” in the world, Viscount Monckton was one of the first who made the cut. Alas, I did not. I fancy I can dish out intellectual infamy with the best denier, and that I am just as crooked as any climate criminal.
But Flash Carbon and his dispirited band of environmental protectors have not noticed me and I am hurt. The truth is that I want to be drawn as a comic character. I’d do this myself but my talents do not lie in that direction: even my stick figures are unrecognizable So could I beg my loyal readers to click over to Global Warming Superheroes and tell them of my iniquities?
What’s always been strange to me is the unquestioning devotion folks like Major Terra, Gaia Girl (not woman!) and their pals have. Just think: none of these personages are climatologists, presumably none has spent the years necessary to learn the material background to offer cogent criticisms. I beg their pardon if I am mistaken in this. But I will suppose I am correct, and then ask, why are they so certain, even to the point of religious conviction? It must be True Belief.
They, and their brethern the Activists, have chosen to heed a small but vocal of group of scientists who have foreseen that mankind will be responsible for a tumult to come. For it is written, though it is not here yet, but ever on the horizon. We are always just at the point where something can be done. But we can brook no delay! Always, we must not tarry, for the moment is ever now. Tomorrow is too late!
Despite their calls, pleas, and demonstrations for action, environmentalists are really modern-day Antinomians. Faith alone is what is needed for salvation. And faith is what is demanded! What you do is inconsequential, as long as you believe. Profess your faith and all shall be forgiven you. Claim to believe and you can hop out of your chauffeured car and onto your private jet and go anywhere, consume anything, use any resource you like. Just like Al Gore.
But express the slightest doubt and you shall be cast outside the gate where there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth! Denier! Thy name is anathema! This is why the enemies list is always made of those who preach doubt. It is a very strict religion.
Update We made villain! Briggs the disgruntled troll! http://globalwarmingsuperheroes.com/climate-change-deniers/briggs-the-disgruntled-troll/