I did not do an exhaustive search, which I will leave to readers, but all indications are that everything, with rare exceptions, is racist.
This is strange because all education—from kindergarten to PhD—revolves around teaching Racism Is Bad. Indeed, we could cut the formal aspects of school entirely and just remind everybody all the time that racism is bad. Maybe we could make people wear pins that say so. Make it a crime not to wear them in public.
Hey, racism kills. Wearing these pins will save lives.
This logic has been used before, and it’s time we use it again.
With that, here first are examples of racist items you might not have known were racist.
More than 1,200 current employees at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have signed a letter calling for the federal agency to address “ongoing and recurring acts of racism and discrimination” against Black employees, NPR has learned.
“[A]gainst Black employees”? How? Incidentally, The Associated Press says they will capitalize “Blacks” but not “whites”, because “white people in general have much less shared history and culture”, whereas all of Africa was utterly uniform and all Black people everywhere are the same.
Anyway, Black Big-B, capital-B, livin’ large B, Big B Blacks are sacred creatures. Never mind how. If Blacks—or BLACKS, which is orthographically least racist—complain that something is racist, then that thing is certainly racist. Because feelings are lived experiences, and lived experiences are objective facts; thus feelings prove racism.
Racist! Smithsonian-approved list of evil-whiteness racism (from Matt Taibbi, a raving leftist): “the scientific method,” “rational, linear thinking,” “the nuclear family,” “children should have their own rooms,” “hard work is the key to success,” “be polite,” “written tradition,” and “self-reliance.”
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m willing to give up politeness.
Critical race theory is spreading rapidly through the federal government.
Last week, a whistleblower sent me a trove of documents about a divisive "diversity training" at the Treasury Department. What I discovered is deeply disturbing—and an affront to equality.
Buckle up. ?
— Christopher F. Rufo (@realchrisrufo) July 15, 2020
To begin, the trainers set the ground rules: they claim that “virtually all White people contribute to racism” and insist that white employees must “struggle to own their racism” and accept their “unconscious bias, White privilege, and White fragility.”
This is all true, of course, but does not go far enough. It is clearly racist to use capital letters for of-no-color bodies.
Racist! Perspective: That sound you’re hearing is classical music’s long overdue reckoning with racism (Washington Post)
Apparently, classical music is racist because it is beautiful, a glory and gift to the world, a pinnacle of Western civilization. Just think: we never read “he was an aspiring cellist.”
This is why the NYT advocates the removal of blind auditions. Not seeing the aspiring cellists are BLACK is causing orchestras to hire insufficient numbers of BLACKS (not a joke).
This is an article about how global warming is racist. How does the science work?
The killing of George Floyd by Minneapolis police and the disproportionate impact of Covid-19 on African Americans, Latinos, and Native Americans have cast stark new light on the racism that remains deeply embedded in U.S. society. It is as present in matters of the environment as in other aspects of life: Both historical and present-day injustices have left people of color exposed to far greater environmental health hazards than whites.
It appears carbon dioxide menaces of-colors, but somehow of-no-colors are immune. Maybe because of-no-colors drink more beer, which exposes them to greater concentrations of CO2, whereas of-colors drink malt liquor, which, studies surely must show, has fewer bubbles.
Racist! A recent US Army diversity training claimed certain phrases — including “Make America Great Again” — are evidence of “Covert White Supremacy” that is lamentably “social accetable [sic].” (NY Post)
But apparently, someone in the US Army’s Equity and Inclusion Agency has forgotten the rules. With a course titled “Operation Inclusion,” the agency is promoting the line that if you support enforcing immigration law, or say things like “all lives matter,” then you’re a white supremacist.
All lives? I, for one, am willing to say Equity and Inclusion Agency trainer lives don’t matter. The article continues:
Indeed, according to the graphic, you are a racist if you discuss any of these ideas or use any of the following phrases:
- All Lives Matter
- Denial of White Privilege
- Inequitable Health Care
- Anti-Immigration Policies
- English-Only Initiatives
- Celebration of Columbus Day
- American Exceptionalism
- Claiming Reverse Racism
- There is Only One Human Race
The last phrase implies there is more than one human race, which, history shows, is not an unusual theory. This makes it easier to decide which lives matter, and which don’t.
Racist! At this point I thought it would be fun to type random words into the Google followed by “is racist” or “are racist”. Try it yourself!
- Voting for Trump (getting the obvious out of the way)
- bowling is racist
- shower curtains are racist
- hats are racist (potent!) cowboy hats, too
- Tom Cruise is racist
- Sixteen Candles is racist
- pudding is racist
- grass is racist
- pencils are racist
- lamps are racist “Millions of racist objects sit in the homes of everyday Americans” (NYT). Millions!
- coffee shops are racist
- trees are racist
- knitting is racist
- quantum mechanics is racist
Now I have had time to consider it, any spelling other than “BLACKS!” (including the racially affirming exclamation point) will be considered racist. Be careful in your comments.
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