The Bishops in their safety-first, safety-last! wisdom—and there is no man wiser than a modern American Bishop—have banned the public from mass, and from the confessional. Unless the penitent is near death.
I am not. I am healthy, vigorous, and in the condition of full manliness.
The only danger I could conceivably face, now that all travel and movement outdoors has rightly been banned, is to accidentally swallow my fork as I shovel in another mountain of government-inspected Grade-A beef.
Which is wrong of me. Eating meat. I confess it. As I have to confess to you, all priests maintaining extreme social distances. Which is right and proper since none of us want to see anybody get sick, ever.
Eating meat was wrong because, although animals slaughter each other with gleeful abandon and slide each other raw down their red throats, I as a man should have known my doing the same hurt the animals’ feelings. There is no worse crime than to hurt anybody’s, or anything’s, feelings. I confess to not believing that before. Nothing but bread sticks and discarded plant matter ethically sourced from beaver dam tailings for me from now on.
So many errors have I made! Mea maxima culpa!
I now believe, as people have been insisting angrily, that if a man says he’s a woman, then, darn it, he’s a woman. What makes him a woman is his belief that he’s a woman. Asking for proof beyond his belief, beyond his flat insistence, is hurtful. The feelings I have hurt!
I used to insist that if the man was a man, then he was stuck with being a man, because no man can magically change his essence and become what he is not. I now see how wrong I was. Magic is real. It must be! Otherwise so many men wouldn’t be insisting they are really women. Who am I to doubt the obvious level of magical force surging across our land?
Even if I still did doubt that, as I used to in my sinful days, who can doubt the mighty amounts of moola raked in by medical professionals who certify the magic? There is no greater certification of TRUTH than amount of money spent. Boy, howdy, is it spent in keeping men believing they are really women. It therefore must be true.
My errors were not limited to disbelieving in magic. My sins are without number.
I used to say that because the models which predicted global warming were not skillful, that they therefore should not be believed. How wrong I was.
These models were written by experts—earnest experts, men smarter than I. Women, too! Maybe the women weren’t smarter than I, because come on. But the women got more grants than I ever did. Their money proves they were more earnest. And because they were more earnest than I, they were right, and I was wrong. The globe must therefore have already heated up past the myriad tipping points which have come and gone, and it’s only evil forces—of which I used to be a member—that are keeping this information from us.
I used to believe, and even say in public, acts which I now accept were to the detriment of others, that mere earnestness was not enough to prove anything. It is. Feelings are paramount. It is the lesson about trannies all over again. The stronger the feeling for a proposition, the more tears shed in its name, the louder it is screeched, especially by college students, the truer it is. This fact about the truth-power of earnestness must be so, else so many would not believe it.
I was only kidding about women above, a little joke, a jest left over from my sinful ways. Equality, which I used to say was a farce, and so stupid only a fool blinded by ideology could believe it, must be true. It is true that women are so equal to men that they are better.
If only I had the space to list all my crimes! Yet if I did, they would depress you beyond the capacity to go on living. Allow me to at least list the last one, the most current one.
The government was right and I was wrong. Millions in the USA would have died of coronavirus—millions! just as the expert models said—if were not for the actions of our most beneficent government.
I would not have know to wash my damned hands unless the government told me. How wrong I was to think I could have decided this for myself. How many lives did I put at risk by insisting on model accuracy? I confess everything.
To support this site and its wholly independent host using credit card or PayPal (in any amount) click here