Frisco Changes ‘Convicted Felon’ To ‘Justice-Involved Person’: Contest

Headline: San Francisco board rebrands ‘convicted felon’ as ‘justice-involved person,’ sanitizes other crime lingo.

Crime-ridden San Francisco has introduced new sanitized language for criminals, getting rid of words such as “offender” and “addict” while changing “convicted felon” to “justice-involved person.”

The Board of Supervisors adopted the changes last month even as the city reels from one of the highest crime rates in the country and staggering inequality exemplified by pervasive homelessness alongside Silicon Valley wealth.

The local officials say the new language will help change people’s views about those who commit crimes.

Good joke: “I had thought serial killers were evil, but after they were rebranded ‘multiple end-of-life helpers’, I came to understand my own prejudices.”

Here’s the list, according to the news report:

  • formerly incarcerated person to justice-involved person or returning resident,
  • delinquent to young person with justice system involvement or young person impacted by the juvenile justice system,
  • drug addict to person with a history of substance use

The Chronicle said

According to the resolution, 1 of 5 California residents has a criminal record, and words like “prisoner,” “convict,” “inmate” or “felon” “only serve to obstruct and separate people from society and make the institutionalization of racism and supremacy appear normal,” the resolution states.

Gone will be the says of non-felon supremacy, and non-felon supremacists ruling over others! In will be the glorious time when former residents who received free room and board at a remote facility for his services to the criminal justice system will be in charge.

The paper said:

The language resolution makes no mention of terms for victims of crime, but using the new terminology someone whose car has been broken into could well be: “A person who has come in contact with a returning resident who was involved with the justice system and who is currently under supervision with a history of substance use.”

As far as I can tell, the poop capital of America still has a lot of work ahead of it. Druggies are now “individuals with a history of substance use”—-mark that use and not abuse—but they are still calling murderers murderers. Which is hurtful, racist, and painful for those individuals who were once actively present at the end of another’s life.

Our pressing task, dear reader, is to help the beleaguered resides of Sodom-on-Sea complete their list. If we don’t, injustice will be with us. We cannot let ourselves be accused as being non-criminal supremacists!

So here is a list of criminal words to start with that need to be politically corrected. I’ve surely left out important terms, which you can add below.

  • murderer
  • criminal
  • hooligan
  • thief
  • arsonist
  • thug
  • rapist
  • embezzler
  • con-man con-person
  • pimp
  • gang member
  • mastermind
  • necrophile
  • drunk driver
  • NPR reporter

This will be pleasant homework for the remaining days of Summer. After a week or so, I will update the list to put in the best substitutions (with names of winners).

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12 Thoughts

  1. murderer
    criminal
    drunk driver

    Can all be mapped to “Democratic Senator from Massachusetts”

  2. necrophile

    “Post Life Paramour”

    arsonist

    “Insurance claim facilitator”

    gang member

    “Community Organiser”

  3. I accept this challenge!

    murderer – Involuntary end-of-life facilitators
    criminal – extra-legal activists
    hooligan – Young person involved in non-violent agitation
    thief – reappropriations expert
    arsonist – Surprise housewarming party planners
    thug – Street persuasion specialist
    rapist – persons involved with justice due to indecent contact
    embezzler – recipient of illicit cash-advance
    con-person – extra-legal party planners
    pimp – unlicensed entrepreneur
    gang member – illicit extracurricular club member
    mastermind – community organizer
    necrophile – underground relationship expert
    drunk driver – mobile connoisseur
    NPR reporter – truth enforcement operative

  4. And everyone thinks “Justice-involved person” is low-life creep that was in jail. Yeah, that will be successful. For the idiots. Think of it as an IQ test. Anyone who believes it, fails.

    “Person with history of substance use” must mean there is NO OPIOID CRISIS. Hallelujah! Our prayers have been answered. NO MORE ABUSE OF DRUGS!!!!!

    New terms:
    Murderer—facilitator of the move to an afterlife
    Criminal—someone who rebelled against current social mores
    Hooligan–youthful exuberance practitioner
    Thief—freelance socialist (my hubby’s term for these persons)
    Arsonist—urban and rural renewal specialist
    Thug—forceful freelance socialist
    Rapist—victim of toxic masculinity
    Embezzler—creative accountant
    Con-person—word artisan
    Pimp—sex industry business facilitator
    Gang member—member of a group for social change
    Mastermind—leading idea person
    Necrophile—special friend with benefits to the recently departed
    Drunk driver—“big alcohol” victim
    NPR reporter—social reconstruction specialist

  5. Although specificity may have merits, “double-plus-ungood-type” is easier to remember and can be used for complaining, malcontent citizens just as well.

  6. Yep another example of political correct bullderdash. They always seem to have to exclude common terminology and replace it with new terminology that supposedly makes everything less “offensive.” We have to move from “felon” to “justice involved person “? This is hilarious but kind of sad.

  7. And I think I won’t participate in this contest but thanks anyway Briggs. I just don’t have much of mind for PC.

  8. @Michael Ozanne

    “Can all be mapped to “Democratic Senator from Massachusetts””

    Yeah, but I think the goal of the exercise is to make the descriptor sound LESS heinous.

  9. The only downside that I see is that Amsterdam is going to follow suit. SF is far away, but Amsterdam is not.

  10. This sounds like a challenging joke, but it can be taken seriously, treated as a real problem, and easily solved.
    One option, for example, is to apply the rule that says we can say and write “dang” or “the f-word” but not “damn” and a clear anglo-saxon term for one of my favorite activities. Applying this idea to the word “Murderer” is easy – and, because so many murderers are democrats, we’ll use Russian to collude with them in pretending to hide what we mean by calling them Ubiytsy -after all, they’re everywhere- or, in the singular and with due apologies to the douchbags who think of this stuff: dushegub.

    Similarly, and on the principle that democrats will soon deny criminal acts even exist, these become prestupnoye deyaniye; criminals who have been convicted become priznat’ vinovnym (because drugs or alcohol abuse validates their behavior), while whose who have not been convicted will be known simply as beglets to indicate their status as innocent victims of the rich.

    See? Easy, logical, ??????

  11. murderer – overpopulation mitigation engineer

    criminal – Congressperson

    hooligan – Freedom fighter

    thief – Congressperson

    arsonist – USFS employee

    thug – Antifa peaceful demonstrator

    rapist – average ordinary cis male he/him

    embezzler – Congressperson

    con-man con-person – climate scientist

    pimp – climate scientist

    gang member – Boy Scout

    mastermind – FBI upper management

    necrophile – enlightened non-agist

    drunk driver – Congressperson

    NPR reporter – Hugh Jim Bissell

    San Fran Supervisor — pup tenter fecal enabler and language sadist

  12. “According to the resolution, 1 of 5 California residents has a criminal record, and words like “prisoner,” “convict,” “inmate” or “felon” “only serve to obstruct and separate people from society and make the institutionalization of racism and supremacy appear normal,” the resolution states. “

    Alternative solution – Get that 1of 5 with a criminal record up to or over 3 of 5. Then you won’t need terms like “justice-involved” to make criminals appear less stigmatized, because it will be those few left in society who haven’t a criminal record who will be “separate..from society.” At that point the legislature can address the need to find a label that makes them feel less estranged, like “imposed adverse outcome optimized,” as opposed to “victims,” which is what they are likely to be if they are that outnumbered by the “justice involved.”

    Or just find a reason to give everyone a criminal record?

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