As has been our tradition these many years, it’s time to register our predictions for the coming year. We look at how well we did last year later this week. (As early as tomorrow, depending on the Stream schedule.)
Stretch your minds. Remember that forecasts which are not perceived by the “average” man as difficult receive little weight. Saying there will be a murder in Chicago, says this fictional homme moyen sensuel, is like saying the SPLC will identify a new “hate” group. And thus the guess receives little weight in the standings. Say instead that Hillary pleads guilty to a felony, which no man expects, and receive the Grand Prize. If it happens.
Here are my pearly prognostications. What are yours?
1) I was wrong about China coming to blows with a regional neighbor last year, but I repeat the prediction this year. I do not mean war. I mean armed contretemps.
2) Dennis Rodman completes his “transition”, migrates to North Korea, and guides Rocket Man into choosing seven interesting tattoos. The flunkies who follow Kim Jong-un with notebooks emulate their leader. By July, all North Koreans will sport a lower lip piercing and a tattoo of a nuke launching on their left cheek, and a holocaust of Japan on their right. But since the ink comes from China, a pandemic of various skin diseases will ensue.
3) Bill Nye will “come out”. Seriously.
4) Donald Trump will, at the close of the year, still be President.
5) As in the Stream article, I still predict the “Supreme” Court waffles on mandatory cake-baking for sodomitical celebrations. We saw that the evil (not just wrong: evil) folks on the Oregon Court of Appeals upheld the killing, crushing $135,000 fine for not baking a cake. Say it slow, and think of your bank account when doing so: one-hundred-and-thirty-give-thousand dollars. For not baking a cake. Repeat it. This is a punishment that fits the “crime”? Can even the appalling Anthony Kennedy be happy with it? Or does he wish it higher?
6) I don’t think DSM-VI will appear in 2018, but given (the not-universally loved) DSM-V contains the politically incorrect diagnosis of gender dysphoria, and given things such as Trump’s incorrect decision not to challenge trannies in the military, some prominent group of psychologists or psychiatrists will announce a man believing himself Napoleon must no longer to be considered a mentally “ill.” Did I say Napoleon? I meant woman.
7) Non-statisticians will continue to love p-values more than statisticians. (Because they are magic.) Even though everybody is free to buy the inestimable Uncertainty and learn the Third Way of probability, AI, machine learning, statistics.
8) Poland leaves the EU, or publicly and loudly begins threatening the process. Hungary announces they will be next.
9) The Islamic city-state, or rather Protectorate, Malmö is formed. I jest, but only just. Sweden will, in some official sense, declare certain areas of its once sovereign territory Islamic. The near-daily bombings and routine mayhem will force this upon them. It would happen in France, too, except France is too big, whereas the livable land in Sweden is small.
10) Pope Francis exits.
Only predictions made over the next two weeks will count. And please, please number them and point to the source (if necessary) that can verify them.