After atheist Devin Kelley attempted through mass murder to bring about his own personal Utopia at a small church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, many people advocated and sought solace in prayer. The call for this ancient and natural act curiously triggered a good many celebrities.
For instance, atheist Stephen King, a man who makes a living thinking of clever literary ways to kill and dismember, tweeted, “Enough with praying. Time to start legislating.”
King is an entertainer and so we cannot expect him to remember that murder was already judged illegal by at least a majority of the States some while ago. But it’s his thought that legislation can be the cure for man’s fallen nature that is of real interest.
Vote Yes or No
Can the government by enacting laws bring about human perfection, or at least heave us as close to that goal as possible?
That question was answered by the writers at The Babylon Bee, Christianity’s Onion. In response to the Texas murders, they published the article “In Move To Prevent Future Tragedies, Congress Bans Humanity’s Depraved Nature.”
In a move to prevent any future tragedies of any kind, Congress passed sweeping legislation Monday that bans mankind’s totally depraved nature from the country…
“This has gone on long enough,” House Speaker Paul Ryan said in a press conference. “We keep saying there’s nothing we can do to prevent this, but now we see there is: just ban human nature and all these problems go away.”
“It’s the obvious solution,” he added.
Congressional projections indicate the new measure will result in a huge boost in peace, love, and harmony in every demographic across the U.S., and should cut violent death statistics down to “approximately zero” almost immediately.
All those who say Aye
Some imagine a future in which this legislative solution has been implemented. Take Lieutenant Sulu (George Takei), who tweeted on behalf of Star Fleet:
Under the auspices of the United Federation of Planets, we not only have universal health care, we have free, universal education, housing, and food, as well as strict control of dangerous phasers. Political parties voluntarily disbanded long ago after all humans became educated.
Sulu forgot to mention the United Federation of Planets’ endless wars and bloody conflicts with aliens, all of which are fought with phasers set to Kill! Ah well.
It’s strange that these wars should have slipped his mind, though. Consider he wrote that tweet before he revealed the Russians were behind a plot to discredit him with accusations of sexual harassment, so at this point he was still thinking clearly.