The scene was tense Wednesday, 3 March, when Mason Jammer, a student at Jefferson Elementary in Ionia, Michigan held his kindergarten class hostage by fashioning his finger into the shape of a gun. Ionia is far distant suburb east of the thriving metropolis of Grand Rapids.
During the siege, panicked teachers gathered outside the classroom expressed concerns that the finger might go off. “This just wasn’t funny,” said the Jefferson principal. “[This] made other students uncomfortable.”
Jammer strutted around the room with his right forefinger held straight out. His right thumb was held erect, though it occasionally sagged when Jammer’s attention was diverted by Sally Kipper, 6, trying to climb into the fish tank.
The situation was diffused by the classroom teacher, who talked Jammer down from his frenzy. “I offered him chocolate milk,” said the 54 year-old homeroom teacher. “He dropped the gun, and immediately the door burst open. I think it was at that point that I fainted.”
Coming through the door was the principal and the janitor, who had armed himself with the broken handle of a shovel. He held it pointy side forward, but did not have to use it because little Mason offered no resistance as he was taken into custody.
This wasn’t the first time Jammer has seen trouble with the law. At one January recess, he was seen making the gun sign and was heard to make the “Pshew!” sound at some birds passing overhead. Witnesses report Jammer’s thumb cocking back and forth.
Luckily, no birds were harmed, but Jammer was still given a warming.
A file on Jammer was also opened with the Michigan Department of National Resources. Jammer did not have a valid hunting license on him when he attempted to shoot the birds.
The officials at Jefferson decided not to take any more chances. They are quoted as having said that they “had been too lenient” with Jammer in the past. Jammer was suspended for two days for the latest incident. He may also undergo counseling so that he understands just what are and what are not valid targets.
The Grand Rapids Press has more details of this harrowing tale.
The frequency of these attacks has risen dramatically over the past two years. Some educators are speculating that a wave of violence is about to overtake Elementary schools if something isn’t done immediately.
For example, last November, Zachery DeRidder, 6, in Ville Platte, Louisiana was heard to make the “Dut dut dut dut dut” sound commonly associated with automatic assault weapons. No witness could identify DeRidder simultaneously making the shape of a machine gun with his two arms, so the matter never found its way into the courts. A union representing teachers did use this incident to demand higher wages, however.
In that same month, Jessica Hanford, 5, in Bakersfield, California allegedly repeatedly threw a kickball against the wall of Lincoln Elementary. As the ball hit, Hanford made the “Brak-sssh!” sound while throwing her arms into the air.
Dr Wilmer Frankford, a Harvard-trained psychologist said this clearly indicated violent intent. Hanford has been under observation since the incident, and will remain so until her trials begins, most likely sometime in June.
Educators have been vigilant in the policing of their classrooms, but there are costs for this increased surveillance. In February of this year, Jason Marshfield, 6, of Eau Claire, Wisconsin was tackled by the school’s gym teacher after what officials called “Unusual explosive sounds” were heard emanating from the boys lavatory.
It was later discovered that Marshfield was teaching his “best friend” Kyle Mellen, 6, “how to make fart sounds with his underarm.”
The FBI also maintains a growing file of papers confiscated from schools all over the country. On these papers—all produced by the hands of children—are a variety of war-like images.
Everything from Sopwith Camels to F-15s to UFOs are drawn shooting down other planes, attacking tanks, or dropping bombs on the heads of the unsuspecting innocents. Many of the images have sound effects written in.
Agent Fred Bellaire, of New York, said, “I mean, whoever heard of an F-15 dropping bombs? It’s a fighter and can’t carry bombs. Something suspicious is going on with these kids. But I want to assure you that the FBI is right on it.”
The principal of Jefferson Elementary best summed up the situation when he said, “If we don’t teach these kids early that guns are wrong, then they might grow up believing otherwise.”
Mason is clearly a very confused young man.
The “Pshew!†sound is to be made when blowing the smoke out of the barrel of your imaginary pistol after firing it.
My father was a prisoner of war in Germany in 1945. He and his mates were sent off to work in a soap-flake factory but they spent their time, he told me, playing cowboys and indians. If only he’d known, they could’ve used their pointy fingers to overcome the guards and start a second front.
A few years ago an “incident” occurred at an elementary school in Kennewick, WA located in South Central Washington State (about 10 miles from the Hanford Site). The “incident” involved the accidental breaking and subsequent spilling of the contents of a mercury-containing thermometer in one of the classrooms. The classroom was evacuated and the local HAZMAT team was alerted and 4 individuals wearing “Moonsuits” (i.e., Totally-Encapsulating Chemical Proof Suits) decontaminated the affected area (i.e., cleaned up the spilled mercury). The local newspaper covered the “story” with all the usual suspects praising the emergency response actions of the authorities.
About the same time a sealed 250 ml bottle (about 7 ounces) of perchloric acid was found in a wall in a building being decommissioned at the Hanford Site 300 Area about 3 miles north of Richland, WA. The authorities immediately evacuated personnel and sounded the emergency sirens evacuating the adjacent area including the Columbia River. One lady (a retired chemist) who was kayaking on the river hurriedly paddled to shore where a TV reporter waited to interview her. When she found out that the sirens were sounded over the presence of a sealed 250 ml bottle of perchloric acid she expressed surprise stating that she thought that perhaps one of the upstream dams had bust.
A noticeably distraught wife of one of my mountain biking buddies called me as I was driving home frantically asking if we should evacuate and which direction to go as the sirens were sounding? As a former emergency responder for the Hanford Site I knew who to call — the on duty site Meteorologist — who informed me of the nature of the emergency.
The local newspaper covered the “story” with all the usual suspects praising the emergency response actions of the workers, et. al.
I could go on; but, why?
it is a sad day when it takes me until
“Coming through the door was the principal and the janitor, who had armed himself with the broken handle of a shovel.”
to realise this is a parody. the story shouldnt be this believable, but it is 🙁
Its about time school officials stop allowing irresponsible children into public schools. Who in the world do they think they are? Six year olds? They need to wait until maturity – say 35 ish – before granting them access to the education system. Then and only then will school administrators and teachers be accorded the prestige and recognition they deserve.
When I was in High School, my brother brought my Dad’s Winchester lever action to school for a demonstration speech on how to properly clean a rifle and inspect the bore. No one batted an eye! My God, if that were to happen today……..!!!
Yooper Paul,
I remember some kids’ dads bringing guns to school before deer season began. Opening day, incidentally, was an official day off. “Hunting safety day” or some such name was given to it. (This was in Gaylord, MI.)
To understand why the trend, which this blog item illustrates a part of, is happening read:
“The Liberal Mind: The Psychological Causes of Politcal Madness” — see more at:
http://www.libertymind.com/
Ken,
I have just received my copy of “The Liberal Mind: The Psychological Causes of Politcal Madness†and look forward to reading it as soon as I finish “Liberal Fascism” by Jonah Goldberg.
Thanks,
rc
The real teachers and administrators behind these examples obtain online “advanced” degrees, generally in some education-related topic, and with their new certification head straight for the local community college. Here they may become faculty, but more commonly become administrators and professional staff. Their effect at this point in time varies from one college to another; but, eventually, they will make the entire CC system a roiling cauldron of idiocy. It is just a matter of time.
I thought this post was satire until I read the link.
Home schooling is the answer. Or private school. In too many cases it is plainly child abuse to send your kids to public school. Parents need to protect their children from weirdo teachers and administrators in the government employ. The public school system has devolved into something very unhealthy for the kids/victims.
This shows how insideous this all is, the 6 year olds knew more about military hardware then an FBI agent did. That calls for drastic action the kids need to be reigned in and quit taking an interest in things like that, they should be all holding hands and singing cumbaya.
“The F-15E Strike Eagle is an American all-weather ground attack strike fighter. It was designed in the 1980s for long-range, high speed interdiction without relying on escort or electronic warfare aircraft. The Strike Eagle, a major derivative of the F-15 Eagle air superiority fighter proved its worth in Operation Desert Storm and Operation Allied Force, carrying out deep strikes against high-value targets, combat air patrols, and providing close air support for coalition troops. It has also seen action in later conflicts and has been exported to several countries. United States Air Force F-15E Strike Eagles can be distinguished from other U.S. Eagle variants by darker camouflage and conformal fuel tanks mounted along the engine intakes.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-15E_Strike_Eagle
See that shows you need to keep your kids off the Internet because bad things like guns, planes and bombs are on them.
/sarcoff
Ken,
I haven’t read that version, but I can highly recommend the same title by Kenneth Minogue. From the Product Details:
“…suggested Jammer, adding her son doesn’t have toy guns at home.”
My sister-in-law believed, like Jammer, that withholding toy guns would lead my nephew to a true gandhi-esque existence. Yet still, the creative mind of the child when presented with any object of any shape was able to see a gun–much to my sister-in-law’s consternation.
I imagine even Gandhi’s mom had the same problem.
Briggs,
This was up in Marquette. Some of the smaller schools did get opening day off for hunting. Alas, we were not one .
While the stories in this post sound absurd, more so with the help of Mr. Brigg’s writing (this is meant to be a compliment), I’d like to tell you a story.
In third grade, Sarah teased my daughter with racial slurs several times. My thought was that Sarah learned of those slurs from her parents, and I decided not talk to her parents. Instead, I went to school and asked Sarah casually (after offering her some compliments) if she could do me a big favor.
I asked her if she could to be nice to my daughter. Without hesitation, she said, “Yes!†Problem solved. She probably had no idea why I talked to her. And I also requested that Sarah and my daughter never be placed in the same classroom.
Sarah had bullied many kids, and had been granted the excuse of being only a kid for several years. Well, the school told her parents to transfer her to another school at the end of the 8th grade.
Simply a true story, no political messages between the lines.
Sounds to me like the teacher and administration just gave up on the kid. Their job is to do the best they can to help the child mature, grow, and learn. If they don’t like something he does, then they need to work to change the habit. Get involved with his parents if need be. The solution isn’t to suspend a kid this age. The child has no understanding of why he gets these days off, he won’t learn anything from it.
So, as far as I’m concerned, the administration over-reacted and gave up on their purpose.
Yooper Paul,
Gaylord then was, probably still is, a lot smaller than Marquette. I graduated from St. Mary’s, class size 30 (or 29?).
Our class was around 450 (1982). I played hockey down in Gaylord as we passed through on a trip to play the Flint Generals junior team. On the way back we played in Midland on an outdoor rink in February!
I never could make those farting noises under my arm, and my son was really disappointed with me for not training him in correct techniques.
If Dad’s can’t teach their sons to fart under their arms, where better to learn than in the boy’s bathroom at elementary school?
This story is so stupid. Kids are traumatized by all the hoopla that goes on in the press. The kid could have been talked to by the teacher or principal and possibly given a spat after the second slip up but not degraded by the principal and the janitor. Did anyone talk to the parents? Probably not. Now the kid will be taunted by the schoolmates for the rest of his life for having murdering tendencies. I played with guns and rubberband pistols all my early life and it has not made me a bad risk. Maybe they should try asking why he does these things and try to give him something positive to think about. The school and tv are not giving him a positive approach to life..When anyone askes me again how stupid can you be, I will send them to talk to you. Maybe you could try to get a good Sunday School teacher to talk to him or a good pastor!