Yes, I would. And don’t call me Shirley.
David Zucker, the guy who brought us Airplane! and Naked Gun, will be back on October 3rd with An American Carol. Stephen Hayes of The Weekly Standard has a long interview with Zucker, in which he discloses there are actually—shhhh—conservatives in Hollywood.
The movie is based around the experiences of fat slob documentarian Michael Malone, who’s last offering was Die You American Pigs. Malone, who has recently joined the left wing MoveAlong.org because he has sympathy with their goal of banning the 4th of July, is visited by three ghosts of America’s past: George Washington, George S. Patton, and John F. Kennedy.
According to Hayes, “Dennis Hopper makes an appearance as a judge who defends his courthouse by gunning down ACLU lawyers trying to take down the Ten Commandments.” In the movie, there is a rally at Columbia University, where students chant:
“Peace Now, We Don’t Care How!” Some of their protest signs are ones you’d find at any antiwar rally. Some are not. “9/11 Was an Inside Job,” “Kick Army Recruiters Off Campus!” “End Violence–War Is Not the Answer!” “End Disease–Medicine Is Not the Answer!” “It’s Too Dark Outside, The Sun Is Not the Answer!” “Overpopulation–Gay Marriage Is the Answer!”
Apparently, Rosie O’Donnell has claimed that “radical Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like America where we have a separation of church and state,” so they incorporate a scene where fat slob actress Rosie O’Connell introduces here new movie The Truth About Radical Christians. A clip from that movies shows
a pair of priests walking through an airport–as seen from pre-hijacking surveillance video–before boarding the airplane. Once onboard, they storm the cockpit using crucifixes as their weapon of choice. Next the documentary looks at the growing phenomenon of nuns as suicide bombers, seeking 72 virgins in heaven. A dramatization shows two nuns, strapped with explosives, board a bus to the cries of the other passengers. “Oh, no! Not the Christians!” O’Connell’s work ends with a warning about new threats and the particular menace of the “Episcopal suppository bomber.”
In answer to the idiotic slogan “War is not the answer” there is a scene where
David Alan Grier plays a slave in a scene designed to show Malone what might have happened if the United States had not fought the Civil War. As Patton explains to a dumbfounded Malone that the plantation they are visiting is his own, Grier thanks the documentarian for being such a humane owner. As they leave, another slave, played by Gary Coleman, finishes polishing a car and yells “Hey, Barack!” before tossing the sponge to someone off-camera.
Over at IMDB.com somebody claiming to have been an extra in the movie describes a scene where Michael Malone “accidentally rips, burns and then stomps on an American flag, surrounded by angry military soldiers.”
Zucker can be a funny guy. If you’ve never seen the original Naked Gun television series, well, I can’t help but feel very sorry for you. Who has seen it can ever forget where Frank Drebbin was invited into the Japanese Garden…to find several well dressed Nihonjin standing in enormous pots. Or the line uttered by the nerdy Mr Science-CSI guy, “Come back next week, Katie, and I’ll explain to you why cows look forward to getting milked.” Or from the movie: “It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano. Sure, it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.” And “Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?”
Who doesn’t know by heart whole snatches of Airplane!: “Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”, “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue”, “Nervous? Yes. First time? No, I’ve been nervous lots of times“, Oh, how I wept!
Zucker isn’t always hilarious. For example, he also made the last couple of Scary Movies. And he has been making commercials picking on Iran. Here’s one of them, which is sort of cute, but mostly goofy, resembling a college “film” project:
Still, I have hope.
“Surely you can’t be serious.”
“I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.”