Harmonica Convergence: classic column

In 1987 in Sedona, Arizona, the end of the world occurred in an event called the “Second Harmonic Convergence“. It was publicized all over the world. Many enlightened people came. Not everybody got the right idea.

The Second Harmonica Convergence, by Lem Polomski

I had missed the first Harmonica Convergence as I was touring Lichtenstein with the Borscht Five Polka band, which as you might remember was started by three ex-members of the Traveling Schmenges. So you can imagine my excitement when I discovered that I would be on tour in Arizona for the famed event. I took a diversion and arrived early. I worked feverishly the night before, polishing my best Steinowski—a forty-six holer. I would be ready. At five the next day, many hundreds were milling around on the Mesa, many still in their bathrobes. When would we play! I kept my beloved instrument under wraps as no one else had their harmonica out. Finally everyone joined hands in a large circle. They began humming. Concert C! This was it! They were about to tune up. I could stand no more and pulled out my brass beauty and began an impassioned rendition of the “She’s Too Fat For Me” Polka. I would show these Americans a true Harmonica Convergence! Imagine my confusion when no one joined in. Instead several of the bathrobed convergers chased after me with large crystalline rocks, chanting in a strange language. I left, dejected, and washed away my troubles with some tasty cabbage rolls and coffee and am now a wiser, more spiritually fulfilled person.