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Category: Fun

Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

December 12, 2018 | 26 Comments

Technical Notes On Destroying Universities From Space With Large Rocks

Headline Students bark in protest to save the trees.

Seems Western Michigan University was going to cut down some trees. Students duly went outside and barked. Anything to avoid studying—which is racist, sexist and other kinds of evil anyway. They held signs like “Cut a Tree, Cut a Life.” One doesn’t have to wonder what would happen on campus if somebody held a similar sign denouncing non-males killing their offspring in hopes of finding better deals for themselves. You do have to feel sorry for the professors who were made to follow the protestors around with pooper scoopers, though.

This is only one of thousands of such stories. We’re already far past the point of proving the need to destroying the Western University System as it now exists. The only question that remains is how.

Some of us have been advocating dropping large rocks from space onto the most cancerous institutions. Shouldn’t take more than a dozen flattenings or so before the others get the idea. It works.

It’s easy to be glib about these rocks. Yet sooner or later it comes down to the hard labor of making actual plans. Let’s start.

We have the happy and fascinating paper Estimation of Destructive Power of Meteorites and Meteors by George Kilimi and Joel Greenstein to help us. Here is the abstract:

This paper aims to give a simple approach to explain and estimate quantitatively the effects of the NEO(s) impacts on Earth and evaluate their destructive power using physics and mathematical models and methods. Based on historical evidence of the meteorite/meteor impact on Earth (crater of impact, signs of destruction of plants, forests, or other destructive characteristics, i.e. the “fingerprints” of the meteor/meteorite) we estimate the power of the explosion that is related to the impact on ground of a meteorite or the burst in air of a meteor as well as the damages and casualties of affected population.

Anybody with training in physics or math will be able to follow along.

We’re obviously dealing with meteors, since it’s expensive to cart rocks into space (only to re-drop them). There’s tons (literally) of free ones up there ripe for plucking. There are of two major species, rock and iron. Rock is about a third less dense, pound for pound, than iron (meaning we could get away with smaller iron meteors). As rock tends to calve upon reentry, they would spray debris at locations other than where they are targeted, it’s best to use iron.

Next to mass (and assuming an average density for iron), the two most important attributes are velocity and impact angle. These drive most of the destruction calculations.

Speed is important. Our authors estimate Near Earth Objects (from which we will draw our supply) whiz about at around 11,000 to 70,000 m/s. The bigger objects are usually slower, which is to our advantage, since we have to find a way to sidle up to these brutes before directing them where we want them.

This sidiling and targeting will be the largest engineering challenge; unfortunately our authors say nothing about it. As the cliché has it, more research is needed. Luckily, we’ll soon have available a ready supply of uber-competent white male scientists and engineers who have lots of time on their hands.

These gentleman will also have to tackle the “shape” and density problems. We want objects uniformly dense so that the chance of breakup is minimal. Some kind of low-frequency radar could work here. It’s not clear how influential shape is: the authors say nothing about it. Oddly shaped objects might “tumble” and go off course. Perhaps spin could be induced, and much like with a rifle bullet, the conservation of angular momentum will be our friend.

There are all sorts of interesting details to be relished in the paper. The difference in pressure blast and Mach waves and their relationship with impact angle, reflected shock, quantifying instantaneous air bursts and inefficiencies introduced by poor impact angle, which might be a great option because of crater avoidance, and of course the fun of figuring equivalent explosive charge.

For instance, the Tunguska meteor donated the rough equivalent of 31 megatons of TNT—which flattened some 25 km of forest around the blast. Of course, those where piddling trees, not reinforced concrete buildings, and the meteor never made it to the ground. That makes the author’s estimate of a “casualty area” of about 22 km too high, I think, to use for modern university cities. Their Table 3 on “Foreseen effect of blast wave” should be studied by all fans of Reality and Classical Christian Civilization.

Bonus link! ‘Cosmic airburst’: Tunguska-like blast destroyed part of Middle East 3,700 years ago

Some have theorized that this event may have been the biblical destruction of the ancient city of Sodom as the Tall el-Hammam site has long been a strong candidate for the ancient ‘Sin City’, though no definitive conclusion has been reached as of yet.


November 22, 2018 | 17 Comments

Old Lodge Skins’ Prayer Of Thanksgiving

In what is now a tradition, we present for Thanksgiving the death prayer from Old Lodge Skins, which comes at the close of Little Big Man by Thomas Berger (who died in 2014).

Then he commenced to pray to the Everywhere Spirit in the same stentorian voice, never sniveling but bold and free.

“Thank you for making me a Human Being! Thank you for helping me become a warrior! Thank you for all my victories and for all my defeats. Thank you for my vision, and for the blindness in which I saw further.

“I have killed many men and loved many women and eaten much meat. I have also been hungry, and I thank you for that and for the added sweetness that food has when you receive it after such a time.

“You make all things and direct them in their ways, O Grandfather, and now you have decided that the Human Beings will soon have to walk a new road. Thank you for letting us win once before that happened. Even if my people must eventually pass from the face of the earth, they will live on in whatever men are fierce and strong. So that when women see a man who is proud and brave and vengeful, even if he has a white face, they will cry: ‘That is a Human Being!’…”

I stood there in awe and Old Lodge Skins started to sing, and when the cloud arrived overhead, the rain started to patter across his uplifted face, mixing with the tears of joy there.

It might have been ten minutes or an hour, and when it stopped and the sun’s setting rays cut through, he give his final thanks and last request.

“Take care of my son here,” he says, “and see that he does not go crazy.”

He laid down then on the damp rocks and died right away. I descended to the treeline, fetched back some poles, and built him a scaffold. Wrapped him in the red blanket and laid him thereon. Then after a while I started down the mountain in the fading light.

Incidentally, eschew the movie of the same name, which shares only the title and the names of a few characters from the book, a book which is the moral and historical opposite of the politically correct film. It is a book which contains no anachronisms, itself a matter of great celebration.

Also highly recommended (as historical orientation) is the classic The Fighting Cheyennes by George Bird Grinnell, who was born in 1849 and who wrote the book in 1915 (it’s still in print). It is a non-patronizing, non-romantic look at the battles the Cheyenne fought, in, as much as was possible, their own words.

Berger wrote Little Big Man at a time (1964) when white boys still wanted to run off and be Indians. Nearly twenty years later, the TV show Grizzly Adams fulfilled the same escapist function. What little boys want to be now they had best keep quiet about or out come the pills (or awards).

Old Lodge Skins was Little Big Man’s adoptive grandfather. The scene takes place shortly after the Battle of Little Big Horn which the Cheyenne called the Battle at the Greasy Grass.

There is much in this prayer that still works. Men, remember to offer it or one like it as thanksgiving today.

November 12, 2018 | 5 Comments

Hillary 4.0 Is On The Way!

The Wall Street Journal speaks! Hillary Will Run Again: Reinventing herself as a liberal firebrand, Mrs. Clinton will easily capture the 2020 nomination.

Get ready for Hillary Clinton 4.0. More than 30 years in the making, this new version of Mrs. Clinton, when she runs for president in 2020, will come full circle—back to the universal-health-care-promoting progressive firebrand of 1994. True to her name, Mrs. Clinton will fight this out until the last dog dies. She won’t let a little thing like two stunning defeats stand in the way of her claim to the White House.

Licking her wounds, Mrs. Clinton served as secretary of state while she planned her comeback….[Cue that dog barking.]…

Claims of a Russian conspiracy and the unfairness of the Electoral College shielded Mrs. Clinton from ever truly conceding she had lost. She was robbed, she told herself, yet again…

Don’t pay much attention to the “I won’t run” declarations. Mrs. Clinton knows both Mr. Clinton and Mr. Obama declared they weren’t running, until they ran. She may even skip Iowa and enter the race later, but rest assured that, one way or another, Hillary 4.0 is on the way.

Mr. Penn was a pollster and senior adviser to Bill and Hillary Clinton from 1995-2008. Mr. Stein is a former Democratic Manhattan borough president and president of the New York City Council.

“She has my vote!” — Ross Douthat (@DouthatNYT)

“I felt a surge of estrogen!” –Bill Kristol (@BillKristol)

“Huminahuminahumina!” –Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO)

The conservatives have made their choice. Have you?

October 12, 2018 | 9 Comments

Pwbbpt! You Was Gone

Now I get many emails—where by many I mean a non-negative number—asking, Briggs, what is your favorite song and how can I help write new verses for it?

Glad you asked. Here it is:

Here’s the original verse with chorus:

Now we got along
My life was real sunny
But only one thing would ruin our fun.

I know you love me
But you worshiped money
And you got mad when I offered you none.

Where oh where are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over
And I thought I found True Love
But you met another
And pwwwbt! you was gone.

And here’s one new verse. You supply more. You’ll be in good company.

One day I asked her
How good is my model
It made good predictions for all to see.

She said that was fine
But what is your theory?
Then she concluded my p wasn’t wee.

Where oh where are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over
And I thought I found True Love
But you met another
And pwwwbt! you was gone.

If the podcasts are ever resurrected, I will invite whoever supplies the best one to join in its singing.