William M. Briggs

Statistician to the Stars!

Global Warming Stress Syndrome Increasing, Psychologist Says

There has been a disturbing increase in Global Warming Stress Syndrome (GWSS, pronounced gwiss) according to Dr. Ron N. Hyde, a clinical psychologist at the prestigious McKitrick Center for the Especially Disturbed.

“Since April, there is been a 32.817% increase in public cases of GWSS,” he explained. “The rate now is almost double what it was this time last year.” He added the trend was very worrying to his colleagues.

According to literature provided by the McKitrick Center, GWSS was at first a disease confined to academics, where it was thought to be controllable. But somehow it became public in the mid 1990s and struck those whose minds were weakest and easiest to influence, such as celebrities. Since GWSS is communicable, the next to be infected were those in the media in contact with celebrities.

“Entertainment news reporters have become increasingly integrated into ordinary news organizations, which made it easier to disseminate much-needed celebrity gossip and tittle-tattle. But it also meant that ordinary reporters soon became infected,” explained the brochure.

“After the mainstream media contracted GWSS, it was only a matter of time before politicians displayed symptoms of GWSS.”

Dr. Hyde described typical symptoms: “A belief that mankind causes every bad event, excessive hand-wringing, frequent bowel movements, a tendency to lurk on internet message boards and post things such as, ‘There is a consensus! There is a consensus!’, an irrational desire to measure one’s personal ‘carbon footprint.'” But the most worrying of all is the, “Urge to make idiotic comments in public tying global warming to any event.”

As examples, he cited Loch Ness Monster hunter Robert Rines, who has publicly claimed that global warming has killed the monster, which is why nobody can find it.

And the recent comments of New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg who likened global warming to terrorism. Bloomberg said, “terrorists kill people” and global warming “has the potential to kill everybody.” “We should go after terrorists every place in this world, find them and kill them, plain and simple,” Bloomberg said.

Dr Hyde explained, “All the classic manifestations are there. Mayor Bloomberg didn’t actually say—yet—that we should hunt down and kill those who exhale exorbitant amounts of carbon dioxide, but he implied it.” At the United Nations forum where Bloomberg spoke, also in attendance were film actress Daryl Hannah and Virgin Atlantic Airways founder Richard Branson. “It’s always the contact with celebrities that does it,” Hyde explained. Bloomerg’s statements are “strong evidence of a seriously addled mind.”

Dr. Hyde ended his statement on an ominous note, “So far, there is no known cure for GWSS.”

For the record, the only official program Mayor Bloomberg has announced so far is to reduce the use of hardwoods on city park benches.


  1. ————————-
    Dr. Hyde ended his statement on an ominous note, ?So far, there is no known cure for GWSS.?

    The Anxiety Disorder Due to Intense Climate Transformation (ADDICT) syndrome is real, but according to this report – which contradicts your above observation – psychotropic medications are doing a great job in treating the disease: http://www.ecoenquirer.com/classroom-stress.htm

    So please, stop spreading big-oil false alarms.

  2. Briggs

    February 13, 2008 at 9:53 am

    Geez, it’s worse that I thought!

  3. This would be funny if I didn’t think the author actually believed what he was writing.

  4. We know we are in trouble when we cannot tell a spoof from the real thing.

  5. Great post. It does seem that you can’t write a spoof without at least one person believing you. There’s no wonder there’s so many conspiracy theories about.

  6. I am shocked, shocked! to discover that Ross McKitrick has an institute named after him. I’ll have to frisk him for oil money at the next opportunity.

  7. There is more scientific evidence. The trend and future expert Matthias Horx describes in his book Guide to future-optimism (german) the epidemiology of alarmism, which is exact the epidemiology, Prof. Hyde describes.

    There will always be new civilization diseases which need treatment but have no cure (we had ADHD, now we have GWSS, whats up next?)

  8. William, my calculations show that the increase in Global Warming Stress Syndrome (GWSS) is in fact 67.34%, after taking into account Time-of-Observation adjustments and homogeneity adjustments.

    Scientists are in unanimous agreement that the increase in GWSS is due to the alarming recent increase in emissions of GWG (Global Warming Garbage). The major sources of GWG emissions are the media, politicians, bloggers and scientists. Computations using a GCM (Gullible Consumer Model) show that levels of GWSS will increase by over 600% by 2050, unless harmful emissions of GWG can be reduced by 27.35% by 2020.

    So, please, contact your newspapers and politicians and demand urgent action to reduce their emission of GWG.

  9. PaulM,
    Any request for action to reduce GWG emission should be sent to the FARCE*, an international agency set up to address this question.

    *Fraternity of Alarmists for the Remediation of Climate Errance

  10. A great antidote to this type of stuff is Aaron Wildavsky’s “But Is it True.” He died not long after writing the book! Nope that is the wrong way to say it and could lead to all kinds of inappropriate conjectures. Prof. Wildavsky is dead. I believe this book is out of print.

  11. Matt, you might laugh, but there is a whole psychological discipline already awaiting all the people suffering from GWSS

  12. In your Consensus in Science section you say that there is consensus among climatologists that anthropgenic global warming is real!!!

    I would draw your attention to a DVD that I recently bought called “The Great Global Warming Swindle” produced by Martin Durkin in the UK. You will find, if you play the disk, that your above statement needs closer examination wiith respect to “REAL” scientific data, and its interpretation, by eminent climatologists.

  13. Briggs

    February 18, 2008 at 12:32 pm


    Oh, you’ve got to be kidding! Ha!

    I predicted, many posts back, that it was satirists who were actually causing nonsense to occur in the world. Your link is proof of that.


  14. Briggs

    February 18, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    I guess you got me, Harvey.

  15. Carnival of Climate Change

    March 5, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Really great post. How interesting! Your blog has been submitted to our blog carnival. Please feel free to email me at ccblogcarnival at gmail (dot) com.

  16. Oh, yeah. I’m acutally doing a research paper on global warming and have found some very interesting facts:
    1) You can not base a rise in temperature because of a computer simulated study with only one chemical in-balance.
    2) Global warming is a natural cycle (Little Ice Age to current climate activity). The Earth goes through cycles…deal with it!
    3) Al Gore is a liberal…what else? : )

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