Your author’s delta-D—the change in the rate at which he is dying—has gone positive today. Luckily, he has a long flight while squeezed into a seat made for a jockey ahead of him this evening, a predicament well known to be curative.
So in lieu of a regular post, we have highlights from one of the weirdest press releases I have received in a while: reducing your dog’s “carbon paw print.”
It starts out by claiming something which isn’t true: “We all know that we as humans need to be more environmentally conscious and make efforts in our daily lives to ‘go green.'” The next level of “environmentally conscious” from where we are now is mania.
Anyway, the press release, from some nameless PR firm, is for the benefit of “Heidi Ganahl, CEO and Founder of Camp Bow Wow” who claims that the money we spend on pets is a “harm to the environment.”
Heidi has some ideas to mitigate this harm. One of the biggest is to “Break out the Fine China.” She says feeding Rover off of porcelain is more “environmentally conscious” than from a plastic dish.
She also wants you to use “premium” dog food, preferably “organic.” Somehow this “helps reduce waste overall.” This begs the obvious question—so obvious, that I won’t ask it. She also wants you to scoop up the (truly) organic output using biodegradable bags.
What about those times when Sparky needs a bath? Why, use “The Bathmaster Animal Bathing System,” which, surely coincidentally, is the very system used at Camp Bow Wow.
Today’s depressing homework: can you discover a stranger proposition to “Save the environment!” than this?