The uber-enlightened which are the San Francisco city council and its hangers on have banned: McDonald’s Happy Meals (they objected to kids being happy), cigarette smoking nearly everywhere (they refuse to allow their citizens the risk of sickness), proposed a ban on circumcisions (cruel and unusual—this picture, I mean), Junior Reserve Officer Training (excessive patriotism in the young?).
Also styrofoam to-go containers (global warming, of course), plastic bags at grocery stores (plastic is evil), travel to or contracts by city officials to Arizona (immigration), phone books (you have to call to get one now), weight-based discrimination (from the city that gave us the slang word heavy), irradiated food in schools (boo! radioactivity!), trans fats (but only because they heard Mike Bloomberg did the same for New York), internet filters on computers (free the pr0n!).
Not to forget alcohol ads (kids might see them), sugary drinks in vending machines (beat Bloomberg to this one), tobacco sales at pharmacies (strange, Iceland will soon only sell tobacco with a prescription at pharmacies), Segways on sidewalks (the first sane one in the list), plastic water bottles on city property, a whole slew of chemicals that might be made known to kiddies.
Then there is images of guns on movie posters, cat declawing (rowr!), handguns, meat on Mondays (not Fridays, that would be religious), electronic cigarettes (because they have the word “cigarette” in them, I guess), the feeding of parakeets (those living on the streets), business with Burma .
My list, gathered by five minutes searching for the phrase “San Francisco Bans,” is, of course, woefully incomplete: no city has banned more things than SF. And now I can report to you that the City of Freedom is proposing a ban on selling goldfish and gerbils. Why? Well, it appears a softy city-council member, or a group of them, saw one of those late-night sad dog commercials. The ones where a lonesome pup with watery eyes looks up at the camera half sadly, half reproachfully, and implores, “Why doesn’t somebody adopt me?”
The city-council member agreed with the dog and said to herself, “No dogs should be sold because they can be adopted.” So she proposed banning all sales of pets (a.k.a. animal companions).
San Francisco never does anything half measure. So the ban will include not just dog and cat sales, but also goldfish, gerbils, fishes of the sea, lovebirds, mice, and all the other critters people take as pets, but which you will never find ready to be adopted at any shelter.
Since most proposed bans become actual bans in SF, this one, if enacted, probably will see a increase in the adoption rate at shelters. It will also see an increase in sales in pet shops in Oakland, Daly City, San Mateo and other surrounding cities. The ban will also force closure of many private stores, almost certainly driving the owner’s into bankruptcy—unless those owners can convert their stores quickly to sell one of the few remaining items that has not yet been banned or otherwise regulated.
If they cannot convert and they do go bankrupt, those poor owners, yet more victims of the Enlightenment, will have to take to the streets, which are very begger friendly in San Francisco. So they have at least that going for them.
Simple math says that the shelters will soon run out of adoptable cats and dogs, and that if people do not drive to Oakland to buy new ones, which can be abandoned in turn, the shelters will have to import new stock from outlying areas.
San Francisco still allows the sales of pet food, but if they could only find it into their hearts to ban that, then they could make sure nobody brings a pet into the city in the first place. No pets, no strays, and no need for adoptions! A perfect solution.
Perhaps we should have a contest where readers pick the next item that San Francisco bans. Perhaps all non-hybrid cars? Fourth-of-July celebrations (which run the risk of turning residents into Republicans)? What’s your guess?
Happy Fourth all!
Update Doug M writes to tell us, “The next thing to be banned appears to be the hookah bar. Technically illegal for a dozen years, but just now being enforced.” LINK