Global Warming Superheroes

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“Holy CO2, Gaia Girl! It’s the evil Christopher Monckton, 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley! We have to stop him before he goes all Lordly on us!”

“Gosh, you’re right Flash Carbon! But what weapons can we use against him!”

“Never fear, men!”

“Hey!”

“I mean people. Never fear people.”

“Just so we’re straight.”

“Never fear, I say, for I, Lieutenant Monsoon, have a plan!”

“What kind of plan could you possibly have to defeat such raw evilness? I’m Gaia, goddess of the whole Earth! While you only represent a localized seasonal change in precipitation patterns!”

“Gaia Girl is right, Lieutenant. Which is why I, Major Terra, outrank you.”

“What can you mean! Just look at my uniform! I obviously am superior to you!”

“Majors outrank Lieutenants. Everybody knows that.”

“If you were any good, you’d be a general!”

“Boys, boys! That’s enough!”

“Don’t you start, too, Weatherman!”

“Boys and female creature! It’s so simple! I shall defeat him by forecasting his doom!”

“But that would mean that forecasts become more important than actual events! Nobody would ever fall for that, even evil Viscount Monckton! I’m Flash Carbon, so I’ll just increase his local CO2 and he’ll retain so much infrared energy that his blood will boil!”

“OK, boys, it sounds like a plan! Everybody all together!”

“Bwahahahahaha!”

 

Such is the dialog we might imagine the characters of the new site Global Warming Superheroes to have (though I’ve cleaned it up and made it into intelligible English, something with which the sites’ authors are unfamiliar).

Those who imagine themselves superheroes—the future of humanity depends on them!—really do have an enemies list, and of all the evil “deniers” in the world, Viscount Monckton was one of the first who made the cut. Alas, I did not. I fancy I can dish out intellectual infamy with the best denier, and that I am just as crooked as any climate criminal.

But Flash Carbon and his dispirited band of environmental protectors have not noticed me and I am hurt. The truth is that I want to be drawn as a comic character. I’d do this myself but my talents do not lie in that direction: even my stick figures are unrecognizable So could I beg my loyal readers to click over to Global Warming Superheroes and tell them of my iniquities?

What’s always been strange to me is the unquestioning devotion folks like Major Terra, Gaia Girl (not woman!) and their pals have. Just think: none of these personages are climatologists, presumably none has spent the years necessary to learn the material background to offer cogent criticisms. I beg their pardon if I am mistaken in this. But I will suppose I am correct, and then ask, why are they so certain, even to the point of religious conviction? It must be True Belief.

They, and their brethern the Activists, have chosen to heed a small but vocal of group of scientists who have foreseen that mankind will be responsible for a tumult to come. For it is written, though it is not here yet, but ever on the horizon. We are always just at the point where something can be done. But we can brook no delay! Always, we must not tarry, for the moment is ever now. Tomorrow is too late!

Despite their calls, pleas, and demonstrations for action, environmentalists are really modern-day Antinomians. Faith alone is what is needed for salvation. And faith is what is demanded! What you do is inconsequential, as long as you believe. Profess your faith and all shall be forgiven you. Claim to believe and you can hop out of your chauffeured car and onto your private jet and go anywhere, consume anything, use any resource you like. Just like Al Gore.

But express the slightest doubt and you shall be cast outside the gate where there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth! Denier! Thy name is anathema! This is why the enemies list is always made of those who preach doubt. It is a very strict religion.

Update We made villain! Briggs the disgruntled troll! http://globalwarmingsuperheroes.com/climate-change-deniers/briggs-the-disgruntled-troll/

27 Comments

  1. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness (I know that’s grammatical nonsense but they use that formulation themselves these days) and while I can see that your post is funny it didn’t make me laugh. Too true. Much too true.

  2. You overlooked never-ending list of good works (to be performed in public for maximum righteousness): sorting refuse before it hits the curb; buying–or mandating the manufacture of–the “right” kind of light bulbs; bringing a bag to the supermarket (really not a bad idea if this involves just one bag, but I’ve been in the back seat of some vehicles that are crammed with canvas and other reusable bags that there isn’t room for passengers); making “smart” choices when getting a new car…

  3. Oregon State University CLA Dean Larry Rodgers, B.A., M.A., Ph.D. English:

    “CLA takes its foundational teaching role very seriously. Every student in the university takes our classes. But if you take a more specific area like climate change, you find that while scientists have strong, data-based research validating disturbing planetary trends, the move to public action has been a tough sell. Why? I would say that we haven’t yet found a persuasive public narrative that translates solid science into policy and policy into action. How to achieve buy-in is where CLA needs to be a world-changer. We teach our students how to communicate, how to think deeply and ehtically about tough issues, about the responsibilities of citizenship. I strongly believe that our ability to address an issue like climate change lies in how well we use these kinds of skills.”

    Even if you don’t understand, you can still contribute. Brilliant.
    .

  4. Matt, this is an awesome find. Especially coming off of your “Diversity” series. By my accounting, this isn’t a very diverse group of super-heroes.

  5. ANTINOMIANISM (the term was coined by Martin Luther) is a belief or tendency in all religions that some therein consider existing laws as no longer applicable to themselves. The term originated in the context of a minority Protestant view that since faith itself alone is sufficient to attain salvation, adherence to religious law is not necessary, and religious laws themselves are set aside or “abrogated” as inessential.

  6. From: http://globalwarmingsuperheroes.com/global-warming-denial/the-peril-of-ignoring-denial/ comes the following:

    The formal denier movement is powerful and influential. It has noisy politicians … scientists, research institutes and foundations. … Their footsoldiers, the Soot Trolls, ….”

    Today, first, we [most of us I’d wager] learn a new word for an old concept (Antinomian), then we learn that we [most of us, again, I’d wager] are “Soot Trolls.”

    BRIGGS — I could understand why you don’t want to be a “Soot Troll” but I suspect that you’re just lumped in with all those scurrilous “scientists, research institutions and foundations.”

    HERE’s what you need to do, maybe, to elevate yourself to worthy mention: develop a humrous & compelling paper documenting the statisitcal uncertainty is so wide that the null hypothesis cannot be excluded. You’ve done this in this blog with a nice, colorful, graph. But what’s needed is a slick paper & associated presentation graphics. THEN, you/we submit this to Fox News (most news from any news organization is fed to it in this manner) and you go on for an interview explaining the basics. The presentation ends up on their website. This will make you a “name” among deniers. THEN you can become a target of the wrath of the believers, where you’ll be pilloried in a cartoon. Such martyerdom is to be praised — you may be elevated to Denier Sainthood!

  7. Better watch out Dr. Briggs. The climate change zealots want to start the secular equivalent of the inquisition to punish people like Christopher Monckton and other heretics. The zealots are in a quandary about reviving the Auto-De-Fe because it releases carbon dioxide. They are trying to develop a more environmentally friendly solar or wind powered version. Of course, roasting heretics over an open fire is traditional.

  8. Derivative and jejune. Slobby.

    Cartooning is or should be an art form. Surely you know a truly gifted cartooner who can do a much better job with this subject.

  9. “But Flash Carbon and his dispirited band of environmental protectors have not noticed me and I am hurt.”

    Never heard of you, but a quick read of this and I’m sure you’ll rank highly in dickhead factor category. I’ll stick you on the list 🙂

    GG

  10. Gaia Girl says:

    “Never heard of you, but a quick read of this and I’m sure you’ll rank highly in dickhead factor category. I’ll stick you on the list”

    Ah, ha…the post-modern Holistic Hypocrite awakens. This is going to be fun!

  11. I think Briggs should assume the name “Major Refuter” at GWS. He delves so much deeper into the shortcomings of their credo than mere denial, and accordingly deserves a more accurate and multifarious descriptive name for his character.

    What’s hilarious and sad at the same time is that these twits are so poorly educated as to believe their cartoon site is “serious” advocacy. Like children, they seem pathetically anxious to believe in anything that attempts to negate history and prior governance. Not that they’re believing in something “better”, but instead they jump on the band wagon of any weird process that holds out the promise of being socially destructive. I think mental health professionals are calling the ailment “Regressive Marxist Syndrome”, but that just might be me.

  12. At the first opportunity Gaia Girl opens her? potty mouth, thus demonstrating the single digits of her? IQ.

    GG, is that the same mouth you use to impress the children who are your target audience?

    Will Gaia Girl unleash a string of profanity on her? own website soon? Inquiring minds really don’t care.

  13. Gaia Girl,

    I ordinarily require a certain level of maturity in the comment section, but in your case I am making an exception so that all can see the level of discourse which you think proper.

    I thank 49erDweet for this suggestion of a cognomen, but I would prefer…(drumroll)…Admiral Asservation! Preserver of sanity, teller of unpalatable truths (“inconvenient” was already taken), and dispenser of obscure witticisms! And, of course, out-ranker of majors.

    This is better than when I was named to the Enemies of Science list put out by the National Academy! GG, when drawing me, please make sure to make me look especially horrible!

  14. Gaia Girl, I guess that a statistician with Ph.D. in Statistics, M.S. in Atmospheric Science and B.S. in Meteorology and Math must be a “dickhead” and certainly should be high in the pantheon of Environmental Supervillains. One of his specialties is refuting fatuous claims made by global warming alarmists, acolytes, and cultists.

    We are all looking forward to more of your wit, wisdom, and maturity.

  15. Upon further review, the GWS site is entirely befitting climate change groupies. Besides being fictional and age-appropriate, it fits in perfectly with busy lifestyles that aren’t interested in or troubled by logic and facts, or the absence thereof.

  16. Briggs,

    Only you would find joy in making someone’s s-list — and after begging to boot Isn’t that a bit like Britney or some other has-been getting arrested just for publicity. Have you no shame?

    PS. don’t mind me — my eyes are green.

  17. The posting announcing your ascension labels you as ‘disgruntled’, but your announcement suggests rather that you are extremely gruntled. Clearly, more research is needed, or some-one is way too certain about something.

    May I suggest ‘General Uncertainty’ as a cognomen?

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