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The Adventures Of Get-Along Man

Watching superheroes beat up villains may not be the best image for boys to see if society wants to promote kinder, less stereotypical male behaviors…But boys who remained close to their mothers, siblings and peers did not act as tough and were more emotionally available to their friends compared to those who were not as close. — Science Daily re-write of APA press release

In order to assist science and society, I hereby offer this script treatment for the Adventures of Get-Along Man, the feminist ideal of a superhero. This episode: Get-Along Man battles Racial Intolerance!

1976

Mom Don’t you run out into the street, Johnny! You’ll be hit by a car and horribly mutilated!

Johnny Ah, gee, ma. All the other boys are doing it. I’ll be OK.

 

Johnny slips on the curb, scrapping his knee. A car, racing down the road, honks at him.

 

Driver Hey, kid! Get the hell outta the street!

Mom Oh, Johnny, your knee! That’s going to need stitches! You just go inside and wait for me. And play nice with your sister!

Johnny (to himself, shaken) That was too close. I’ll never ignore my mother again.

1987

Al Sharpton (haranguing a crowd) Tawana Brawley! Ta-wa-na! Ta-wa-na!

Johnny (wearing his button down collar) Uh, oh. Trouble ahead. That group of people looks angry. I’d better slip into this Dunkin Donuts and change into my costume.

Old Lady #1 Who is that nice looking young man in that knit sweater, shorts, and combed hair? How polite he seems.

Old Lady #2 I don’t know, Maude. Those sturdy black rimmed glasses obscure his face. But the poor thing has a horrible scar on his knee.

Old Lady #1 Doesn’t the warm rich color of that sweater make you want to hug him?

Get-Along Man (to Reverend Al) What’s seems to be the trouble, sir?

Al Sharpton If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Ta-wa-na!

Get-Along Man (with a non-confrontational movement, Get-Along Man removes something from his pocket) Reverend Sharpton, sir. Wouldn’t you like to reconsider your actions? Take a look at this picture of my mother.

Al Sharpton (looking) Ta-wa—oooh…

Get-Along Man Isn’t it more important to experience multiple and fulfilling relationships in our lives, than start riots and shake down corporations over their racial guilt?

Al Sharpton I…I never thought of it that way. But what about Miss Brawley?

Get-Along Man (chuckles) Don’t you worry about her, sir. I’m sure she’ll land a book contract and lead a fulfilling life of harmony and robust psychological health.

Al Sharpton (to the crowd) Since we’re all here, why don’t we sing? “We are the world. We are the people…”

Get-Along Man My job here is complete.

Young Rodney King (at the edge of the crowd) “We are the ones that make a brighter day…” (sniff) Someday, I want to be just like Get-Along Man.

TV Man (to his sound engineer) Boy, wasn’t that awesome? He just talked him down, man. This tape is going to go network!

 

Montage of famous characters watching the television news.

 

David Duke (in his Grand Wizard uniform) I can see now that I have been living a life of pain. I shall forswear my views of race and forever after be emotionally available.

The Supreme Court (in the robing room) You know, William, in Johnson v. Transportation Agency, I don’t think we ought to say that the use of race or sex as “one factor” in choosing among qualified candidates is the right thing to do.

I agree, Sandra. If we let people consider race, why that affirms that people are different racially. If Get-Along Man teaches us anything, he teaches us that race should not matter.

Ted Kennedy (at a bar, one arm around a waitress) That Get-Along Man makes me think I’m wrong to oppose Robert Bork so vociferously. I may not agree with him about all, but, heck. He just wants to help the country out, right? I’m changing my vote. Plant another one right here, sweetie.

 

And so ends another exciting adventure of Get-Along Man, the superhero with a heart, the pleasant fellow who encourages people everywhere to eschew violence. Join us next time when Get-Along Man takes on the toughest villain of his career The Middle East!

 

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1Reader Nate Winchester kindly supplied the link that formed the basis of this article. Science Daily is a website which primarily reprints press releases issued to them from various science-like organizations. See the bottom of the original link or the bottom of this new story to verify that claim.

3 thoughts on “The Adventures Of Get-Along Man Leave a comment

  1. GAy Man. Apply named. If only we could ban testosterone, what a wonderful world it would be. It’s all the manly males’ fault. Women are innocent, regardless of the crime.

  2. I was going to respond earlier but in the interests of “getting along” deferred till now. If anyone can harness the likes of Al Sharpton that easily, I say lets give her – sorry, him, a try.

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