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Second Annual Pass On Briggs Day

It’s that special time of year, dear reader. The moment has once again come to tell the world of this fine blog.

I have done the calculation: if every one of you emails one friend—or, if you don’t have any friends, one enemy—and convince him to put in an appearance on this blog, then my readership will double.

Even better: if we all join in on the effort and have 31 more annual Pass On Briggs Days, then every citizen of planet will be a reader. You can’t ask for more than that. All I have to do is come up with material for 11,323 more posts. Simple!

My purpose is mercenary. I make my living by people wandering across the site and saying to themselves, “What a marvelous find! What a perspicacious fellow! I must give this man some money.” Actually, they mustn’t just say it to themselves, they must follow through on the thought. Noble intentions are terrific, but they do not allow me to make my regular and generous donations to the Internal Revenue Service.

Now, since you are a regular, it means that you are an intelligent, active, thoughtful individual—almost certainly of above-average physical beauty—with a schedule full duties of vast importance to all of mankind. You haven’t the time to compose frivolous emails. So, in the spirit of generosity and, yes, humbleness, I’ve done the work for you. All you need do is cut and paste the following into your favorite email client.

Dear Friend/Enemy of Mine,

I want you to go to the website http://wmbriggs.com . I go there everyday at least once daily, and you should, too. In fact, I’m surprised that you haven’t gone already.

It is difficult to describe the intellectual delights that await you at http://wmbriggs.com . Prescient analysis, penetrating reasoning, flawless predictions, and prose just shy of the darker shades of chartreuse.

But don’t take my word for it. Listen to what these eminent authorities have to say:

Artemus Ward said, “This here http://wmbriggs.com is better ‘en a colekshun of wax fingers.”

Mark Twain said, “After lies, damned lies, and statistics, you will find http://wmbriggs.com .”

Bernard Shaw said, “If marriage is the death of hope, then http://wmbriggs.com is the marriage of hope and probability.”

Nothing can be added to praise as generous as this, except to say that I expect to see your screen name in the list of comments when next I visit—which will be tomorrow. You always have an opinion on everything, and now is your chance to air it.

Sincerely,

[Insert Name Here]

Send this to your wealthier friends, especially any which have a medieval bent of mind and desire to be a Patron of Science and Philosophy. I have in mind a new—by which I mean old—idea of a university, one which is dedicated to the pursuit of truth and not to the chasing of balls, grants, or large enrollments.

Such places don’t come cheap. But more on that another day.

Incidentally, don’t delay your task of emailing somebody. If you put it off for later, you will forget. And then how bad will you feel? Best to do it now.

10 thoughts on “Second Annual Pass On Briggs Day Leave a comment

  1. I will do this for a modest fee – just add in a link to my blog (www.roncrocker.com) to the email. It doesn’t actually cost anyone any money, and you can learn about things with words that regular people use, like those you might hear on Hard Knocks coming out of Rex Ryan’s mouth.

  2. I have, in the past, provided a link to some of your choicer postings on my own blog, so the dozen or so readers I have should be well aware of your talents. I trust that this will suffice me for a decade or so?

  3. I prefer to use the testimonial Zeppo Marx gave to your brilliance and perspicacity, thank you very much, instead of the nobodies you mentioned. I’ve attached his comments in a .wav file here.

  4. There is a technical problem William .
    .
    My english speaking e-mail friends (by default because they are mostly Swedes and Danes) do not fit exactly your description which is that it is indeed necessary to have a minimum level of education to follow your musings .
    Also a very solid insider knowledge of local indigenous traditions in the southern parts of North America is an almost necessary condition which they do not fulfill .

    Then the other part of my e-mail friends that is both wealthy (several millionaires among them) and cultivated , is mostly non english speaking or speaking it in such a way that your e-mail would be wasted on them .

    Last there is the case of my father (MedDr) and my mother (PhilDr) who completely fit your description but who hartneckedly refuse to use a computer for communication purposes .

  5. TomVonk, I mean this in the kindest possible way but aren’t your Swedish and Danish friends really disqualified not so much due to education, but because they lack a developed sense of humor? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Just kidding.
    Tip: Strike up a conversation with your mother re: family genealogies some day [after first locating a couple of appropriate web sites] and then stand back and watch her take to email. That’s virtually the only way those aficionados will communicate. Once the ice is broken, and a grand-kid or two chimes in, wouldn’t be surprised to see her soar.

  6. Whew! Glad I reread the title to this post!

    I originally misread one of those vowels as an i…

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. 49erDweet
    Thanks for your tip
    Actually my mother is a passionate crossword professional .
    She sometimes calls me (by phone !) asking me to google esoterical definition to progress in a difficult case .
    So she is well aware of (some) useful applications of a computer .
    However she , and my father even more , strongly objects to having the device at home because the reward/shit in the fan ratio is much too low . They also consider that as they lived an interesting life for 70 years without a computer , there is not much added value to live the remaining 20 years with one .
    .
    More seriously .
    The indigenous north americans may not realize that but some of William’s post are utterly icomprehensible for anybody who is not an indigenous north american .
    There are names , games , movies , singers , TV shows etc that we have never heard of .
    It is like if you listened to a german parodist (assuming that you speak perfect german) and wondered why people laugh because you don’t recognize any character and any event he is speaking of .
    .
    Sorry , can’t resist ๐Ÿ™‚
    This is a joke my wife told me yesterday . The joke is originally in French where it is best (because Alsacians are French) but it works in English too . Here the translation :
    An Alsacian is saying to his wife “I love the phone booths .”
    His wife “Why ?”
    “Well I pick up the phone and say “What is a most beautiful and intelligent person ?” and it says “Toot – toot – toot …”
    I exploded rofl . Do you ?

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