William M. Briggs

Statistician to the Stars!

Stream: EPA Issues 57-State Climate Warning!

The EPA. Like a Kungfu Ninja.

The EPA. Like a Kungfu Ninja.

Today’s post is at the Stream: EPA Issues 57-State Climate Warning!

Strike that. It’s a 50-State warning. That 57 came from elsewhere in the Obama administration.

Well, 50 is less than 57, so the warning is not as dire as you might have thought. Yet it’s still serious. Everybody knows that our beneficent government knows best and that all its cautions should be heeded. This is why you should listen to its bureaucratic experts, who are saying “climate change” will have “impacts.”


Very real impacts,” says the EPA. And what is real is not a fantasy. So get ready to rumble, weather wise. But before thinking about that, we have to understand what “climate change” is.

Here is a scientific fact. In 1936, a typical year, the climate of the earth was perfect. Every afternoon everywhere was sunny and a clement 78 degrees on Mister Fahrenheit’s scale, even in winter. The rain fell in amounts sufficient to water every crop, fill every stream, and extinguish every forest fire—and then it stopped. Floods didn’t happen. There was just enough wind to loft every kite, and no more.

Of course, it’s true that an anomalous heatwave killed over 12,000 Americans in 1936. But still, since there was quite a lot less carbon dioxide in the air then than now, the climate was necessarily better.

The climate was also better in 1886, long before people were burning gasoline on their commutes to work. It was better because there was less atmospheric carbon dioxide, even less than in 1936. And it was better even though the USA was hit by seven hurricanes, the most since records began to be kept (which wasn’t that long ago).

The climate continued to be better than it is now, right up through the 1960s and 1970s when the consensus was that global cooling was going to kill many people. Good thing it never happened (the government had not yet reached its current state of perfection)…

Go there to read how much your government really cares.


  1. You put idiots in charge, this happens.

  2. Warmer Is Better. Fight the Ice.

  3. 57? Maybe they got it mixed up with the Ketchup Krisis. When confronted with 57 in a keystone logo some are easily confused. Climate, Catsup, Ketchup — hardly any difference.


  4. Briggs, kung fu ninja? Are you practicing your MMM (mixed martial arts metaphor)?

  5. Ratan is the only western martial art.
    Not a lot of people known that.

  6. ARTHUR:
    It’s true! It’s true! The crown has made it clear.
    The climate must be perfect all the year.
    A law was made a distant moon ago here:
    July and August cannot be too hot.
    And there’s a legal limit to the snow here
    In Camelot.
    The winter is forbidden till December
    And exits March the second on the dot.
    By order, summer lingers through September
    In Camelot.
    Camelot! Camelot!
    I know it sounds a bit bizarre,
    But in Camelot, Camelot
    That’s how conditions are.
    The rain may never fall till after sundown.
    By eight, the morning fog must disappear.
    In short, there’s simply not
    A more congenial spot
    For happily-ever-aftering than here
    In Camelot.
    Camelot! Camelot!
    I know it gives a person pause,
    But in Camelot, Camelot
    Those are the legal laws.
    The snow may never slush upon the hillside.
    By nine p.m. the moonlight must appear.
    In short, there’s simply not
    A more congenial spot
    For happily-ever-aftering than here
    In Camelot.

    And if you prefer the music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZc2PNoCM2w

  7. Bless Gary, he said something lovely!

  8. “Ratan is the only western martial art.”

    And it makes lovely patio furniture. 😉

  9. Steve E,
    Yes, it’s the same stuff but spelled with two T’s.
    “Did someone say two Teas?”

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