William M. Briggs

Statistician to the Stars!

Discrimination Is Everywhere!

A seventy-year-old man auditions to play the lead in Model Detective, a film about a Victoria’s Secret swimsuit model who solves beach crime, and he is turned down because he is a man. Sex discrimination. Not only that, but the woman who lands the role must fit into the pre-designed costume, and, while wearing it, must make men swoon. This excludes a wide swath of womankind from consideration. Body-shape discrimination.

Harvard University’s Literature Department needs to fill its chair in LGBTQWERTY Greeting Card Gendered Semiotics Theory. Fluffy, the mouse chaser from the male-dominated Department of Physics, applies for the job and is turned down because Fluffy thinks store-bought greeting cards are inane. Species discrimination.

Middle schooler Witu Lo, who longs to be an airline pilot, applies to Thomas Jefferson High School, in Fairfax County in Virginia, but is turned down because that school has reached their fill of Asians this year. Race discrimination. But the school takes Laquisha Jones because her demographic characteristics are more desirable. Demographic characteristics discrimination.

Country wants to elect a new president and has a choice between Mr Black and Mr White. Many vote for Mr Black because he is not Mr White. That same country, after Mr Black’s term expires, faces a new election with candidates Mr Hombre and Mrs Mujeres, and most decide for Mrs Mujeres because her (natural, non-surgically facilitated) absence of Mr Cojones. Presidential discrimination.

Apple Corporation casts it net for a programmer for its new iPencil, a battery-operated writing device which only writes on paper1 produced by factories Apple owns in the Far East, a product sure to take the world by storm. It decides to hire a person who knows how to program. Python discrimination.

The op-ed section of the New York Times has been light since once its writers slipped into an inner-dimensional vortex produced by publishing one too many logical paradoxes. They print an ad asking for “An op-ed writer who believes discrimination is abhorrent.” The person who wrote the ad also disappeared into the vortex. Paradoxical discrimination.

Clothes make the man, or so Bruce has always believed. He also always believed he would make a terrific nun. Combining these ideas, he had a suit of nun’s clothes made, and every year in May he ventures to the Vatican to be taken in as a postulant. He is repeatedly turned down. Bad habit discrimination.

Ever since he was a little boy, when his uncle, Nasty Jack, took him there, Marty has loved the zoo. So much that he often ventures over the wall after hours. Last time Marty was there, the zookeeper caught Marty misconducting himself with a goat. The zookeeper kicked Marty out. Horned ruminant discrimination.

The sale of adult diapers continues to surge, and that is partly because of folks like John (he prefers Widdle Johnny) Bittle. Widdle Johnny identifies as a six-month old, and demands to be treated like one. He enjoys feedings, bath time, and pooping. Widdle Johnny recently tried to enroll himself in his local Head Start program, putting himself forward as “an advanced infant” but was turned down because he was too old. Age discrimination.

Wesleyan University, a fine progressive institution, has entry requirements for students which insists students meet certain intellectual standards. While reading and writing do not appear to be among these, ability to do well on tests such as the SAT do. Sally, who self-identifies as a female wishing she were a male pretending to be a female, scored only minimally on the SAT, but wanted desperately to matriculate at Wesleyan so that she could study with Professor Hassemänner, famed author of IQ Tests are Racist and Sexist, a work often cited by courts when penalizing companies which try to hire based on SAT-like tests. Sally was turned down. Intelligence discrimination.

Bobby Joe and Joe Bob, southern transplants who claim to be married to one another, run a sign-making shop in the Castro District in San Francisco. Big Sal comes in and asks for some banners to be made up that he can hang at his place of work. They are to read, “Homosexual Sex Is A Sin”, “Two Men Can Only Pretend To Be Married”, and “Keep That Kind Of Thing Up Without Asking For Forgiveness And Boy Will You Be Sorry”. Bobby Joe and Joe Bob refuse. Banner discrimination.

If only we can end discrimination, the world would be a better place!

——————————————————-

1The iPencil will only work if the writer also owns an iPhone.

37 Comments

  1. What is needed is a slogan. Something punchier than “Rejecting a practice because it involves discrimination is the mark of a lazy mind,” which was the best I could come up with in two minutes.

    Any suggestions?

  2. Clothes make the man, or so Bruce has always believed. He also always believed he would make a terrific nun. Combining these ideas, he had a suit of nun’s clothes made, and every year in May he ventures to the Vatican to be taken in as a postulant. He is repeatedly turned down. Bad habit discrimination.

    That’s not a veiled reference to Bruce Jenner, is it?

  3. Briggs

    April 17, 2015 at 9:14 am

    John B(),

    One bad pun deserves another.

  4. Speaking of Bruce and python discrimmination:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNBy1D1Y0h4

  5. Sander van der Wal

    April 17, 2015 at 9:46 am

    Apple uses Objective-C and Swift as programming languages. Procedural, declarative and functional language discrimination.

  6. The discerning among us discriminate to chose. Exercising choice is exercising freedom. I am discriminated against because I discriminate. I demand special consideration! I also hold the patent on iPencil used to iWrite on iPaper to iAdvocate for iFree.

  7. “Apple Corporation casts it net for a programmer for its new iPencil, a battery-operated writing device which only writes on paper1 produced by factories Apple owns in the Far East, a product sure to take the world by storm.”

    iSick of iBling.

  8. Most people are born at different times and places — chrono-loco-natality discrimination. It’s somebody’s fault.

  9. What is needed is a slogan. Something punchier than “Rejecting a practice because it involves discrimination is the mark of a lazy mind,” which was the best I could come up with in two minutes.

    I have fired back the sentence: “Discrimination is the foundation of civilization.”

    At first progs react in horror when I say this, but then I explain how it is true, and it resonates. Every company operates on the principle of discrimination, that is the entire frigging point of hiring. Personnel is policy. Every school that is a good school is that way because it discriminates, it picks the best students. Your house is a safe haven and your home because you only allow in who you want to allow in. Every social institution operates on a principle of discrimination. And every form of discrimination will have disparate statistical impact on various groups, because groups are not the same in their statistical properties.

  10. New, from Apple, the iSignal!

    Unlike the rough edges of our competitors products, the sleek, beveled iSignal has a suite of advanced sensors capable of discrimi.. detecting between popular and unpopular sentiments!

    With the iSignal in hand you’ll be able to safely navigate the world of online and offline morality signaling competitions! Here comes Fluffy McStuffers, our resident LGBTPOCW liaison to demonstrate.

    *jazz hands*

    Thank for you for that introduction! Before getting into some specific features of the iSignal, let’s go through a simple use case. First, we have a facebook post by an elderly woman who doesn’t want to make someone a cake. Let’s scan it with our iSignal, and see what happens!

    *after a second of scanning, a massive alarm blares*

    Uh-oh! The iSignal has clearly told us that this is something we need to condemn! Notice how the patented *ifeelsafe* interface blacks out any parts of the scan that might be hate speech (the entire screen is blank). With the options menu, you can quickly post to facebook, reddit, tumblr, twitter, and other social media forums expressing disgust and dismay!

    iSignal plus owners will be allowed to search for home addresses of offending material and send customized iThreats as well!

    *more jazz hands*

    Yes, you with the question? “Hi! I’m very excited about getting my new iSignal. I’m curious, though. What will happen if I say something like ‘Indiana’ to it?”

    An excellent question! As you can see, the iSignal has heard your question, which we have patented as an iQueery. *more jazz hands* The iSignal has determined that, if at all possible, you must never associate with Indiana every again!

    Here’s a feature many of you will surely enjoy! The iSignal keyboard, through no choice of its own since it was programmed that way, defaults to not having a spacebar and typing in all capital letters. See how quickly we can type LGBTQSADAKSJDLHG! If you need, though, you can modify the iSignal keyboard with a *safe-space-bar*. Notice how puppies and approved images fill it, providing you with comfort!

    *extreme jazz hands. someone might even have clapped*

    I see another question!

    “Yes, how does the iSignal respond to questions about contradictions between leaving an entire state for trying to respect property rights and your employment of third world labor with high suicide rates?”

    *Immediately the iSignal blares it siren, and screams “bigot” over and over”. Puppies and approved literature fall from the ceiling into the laps of all the participants. In the distraction, the questioner has been removed*

    Alright, I think we have time for one final question! Yes, you?

    “We are offended by your product’s name. We identify as a self-aware collective of sea cucumbers, and the use of ‘I’ is triggering, anti-collective, and bigoted.”

    *The iSignal begins smoking as it fails to find a limiting principle in its database to exclude its name from the list of offensive statements*

    On behalf of Apple, we sincerely apologize for our oversight. Come back next week when we have a new product working!

  11. Devalier said I have fired back the sentence: “Discrimination is the foundation of civilization.”

    Isn’t Darwinism (species, social or otherwise) discrimination at it’s foundation? (nature is red in tooth and claw)

    iClawDeos

  12. Briggs,

    Interesting to claim that discrimination is everywhere yet you produce very few cases that are verifiable, or even realistic.

    Sure you can do better than that

  13. James

    Try “iBatSignal”

    If there an especially strong and progressive reason (Bam! Boom! Zowie! the offensively offended)

  14. Briggs

    April 17, 2015 at 11:40 am

    Sylvain,

    The penultimate one is perfectly realistic, and seen in examples by the tens of thousands.

    But then, all of them are realistic. That you can’t see that is why I worry so much about you.

  15. Consider that women’s only gyms discriminate based on unchosen physical characteristics! As do women’s only colleges! Gasp!

  16. James

    Regarding Women’s gyms

    I believe I linked it before:

    Planet Fitness Member Complains About Transgender Woman In Women’s Locker Room, Her Membership Gets Cancelled

    http://www.inquisitr.com/1904359/planet-fitness-member-complains-about-transgender-woman-in-womens-locker-room-her-membership-gets-cancelled/

  17. I wanted a hamburger the other day and went to Burger King. I discriminated against McDonalds and Wendys. Do I have to prove I don’t discriminate by going to the burger joints in rotation ?

  18. Devalier: “Discrimination is the foundation of civilization.”

    Yes, definitely punchier than what I suggested; I may find occasion to use it myself. Still, I’m not sure it’s explicit enough in stimatizing the discrimination charge as a type of argument.

    Okay, so I’m probably looking for something that’s not there. But it sure would be nice to have an effective tool for instilling a much wider recognition of just how vacuous most arguments are that are based on charging discrimination

  19. The problem is discriminalization.

  20. You’ve never spent a day in the ghetto, Briggs.

    You cons have no idea how stupid and callous you look when you make light of these things.

    JMJ

  21. Joe Born,

    It’s my view that the reason the arguments are so vacuous is because no one actually cares about discrimination at all. The examples given by our kind host and all the commentators demonstrate that. If anyone actually cared about discrimination qua discrimination then, as Ray points out (and I really enjoy that perspective) we’d have to be against consumers discriminating when they buy products, etc.

    Hypothetical:
    A: “You can’t discriminate against immutable characteristics!”
    B: “I didn’t choose my religion. I was born with a love for God”
    A: “That’s not the same! Prove it! raarrgarbblll”

    Good luck trying to make someone explain how sexual attraction is unchosen but religious inclinations aren’t. If the former is genetic or unchosen via nurture, then there is no limiting principle that says the latter couldn’t be.

    Back to the original point: No one actually cares about discrimination. What they care about are their own moral standards and how they can enforce them. They want to avoid hearing that their behavior is disliked, among a multiplicity of other reasons.

  22. At one time, the no-no was “unfair discrimination”. ‘Discriminating” was a positive. e.g. it was a compliment to call someone a “discriminating shopper”.

  23. Oh hey, JMJ does the usual left-wing tactic of “try to make them feel bad for not having your views but don’t actually explain your views or refute their points”. The thing is, that tactic only works against the left, who are too afraid to hold positions contrary to the ‘in-group’.

  24. re Devalier: “Discrimination is the foundation of civilization.”

    How about: “Discrimination recapitulates”

    You can add a word to make this clearer to lowsats: “Discrimination recapitulates experience”, but doing so asserts educational privilege.

  25. When I order a pizza, I discriminate.
    When I buy a car, I discriminate.
    When I accept a job, I discriminate.
    When I decide what to eat for lunch, I discriminate.

    Every single *choice* is an act of discrimination. From the smallest choice of which internet browser to use, to deciding where to make a home, we use discrimination to make choices. So it’s not discrimination itself that is a problem.

    The problem is when individuals discriminate and harm others based on irrelevant, “unfair” criteria for the choice at hand. Who decides what is fair/not fair is a hard problem. In the past, large groups of people made choices to exclude others solely upon an inborn attribute (skin color), rather than talent, ability, or that individual’s choices. Some tried to change hearts and minds, others decided that there ought to be a law against racial discrimination.

    Johnathan Blanks has a great essay about the history of racial discrimination in America.
    http://www.libertarianism.org/columns/looking-back-look-forward-blacks-liberty-state

    Yes, life isn’t fair. But one of the goals of lovers of liberty ought to be to advocate for equal treatment and fairness in both government and in life.

    Note that I didn’t touch “gay marriage” with a 10 ft. pole. I really don’t understand this – racial discrimination was practiced based simply on someone’s apparent lineage. Modern so-called anti-gay discrimination is based on behavior.. we discriminate against behaviors all the time!

  26. Briggs,

    Let see which one is discrimination. There are differences between the legal definition which is now more regularly used and the dictionary definition which has no legal status

    The important definition is the one given by the Court since it is the one that legal standing. This means that seeing discrimination according to the dictionary definition does in no way mean that there is discrimination according to the legal definition.

    You provide 11 sarcastic examples:

    #1 Body-shape discrimination: When watching television or movie we see people of all shape or form, sex, race and sexual orientation. Discrimination would happen if a studio would refuse to higher any group of person who would share the same qualities. Could be legal discrimination.

    #2 species discrimination. dictionary definition

    #3 Demographic characteristics discrimination. Dictionary definition. The school does not reject people based on race because it accepted other Asian. Being high school the choice of school has nothing to do with becoming a pilot.
    If a religious baker was smart enough to refuse to bake a cake because he has to much work for that date, it would be much harder for the complainant to win in court. But religious baker like to shove it in the homosexual throat that they don’t agree with them.

    #4 Presidential discrimination. Dictionary definition.

    #5 #6 #7 #8 are not even a thing.

    #9 Age discrimination. Yes there is a lot of age discrimination which doesn’t mean they are illegal. But there is illegal age discrimination, mainly in the work and housing situation.

    #10 Intelligence discrimination. There is such a thing though usually it is the reversed that is seen.

    #11 Banner discrimination. This is actually freedom of speech which even religious baker would can claim.

    This explains a lot about why you don’t understand what legal discrimination means.

  27. Katie,

    Yes, it is discrimination.

    But, Is it illegal discrimination? No.

    When applying for a job you are in competition with other people that are most likely as qualified, and the way we look or present ourselves will be part of entire process and will influence the decision. Also the way an employee looks can also hurt the bottom line of a business by chasing customer away. In the end the employer can always claim that in is judgment another applicant was better suited for the job.

  28. I’m glad to see that you agree with Mises, Sylvain. Who would have thought it.

    “True, the entrepreneur is free to give full rein to his whims, to dismiss workers off hand, to cling stubbornly to antiquated processes, deliberately to choose unsuitable methods of production and to allow himself to be guided by motives which conflict with the demands of consumers. But when and in so far as he does this he must pay for it, and if he does not restrain himself in time he will be driven, by the loss of his property, into a position where he can inflict no further damage. Special means of controlling his behavior are unnecessary. The market controls him more strictly and exactingly than could any government or other organ of society.
    Socialism, p. 401”

    Excerpt From: Thornton, Mark. “The Quotable Mises.” Ludwig von Mises Institute, 2005.

  29. “You’ve never spent a day in the ghetto, Briggs”. Lol, you crack me up JMJ! More please!

  30. Okay, Francois, hows about this? You cons employ the “behavior” argument for allowing discrimination. What behavior(s) exactly is it that you believe you should be allowed to discriminate against?

    JMJ

  31. Brilliant.
    People must realise hierarchy is a fact of nature, you could no less deny it than evolution.

  32. JMJ,

    Com’on now, the Civil War ended racial discrimination and all the anti-discrimination laws ended all kinds of discriminations. For example, black people are judge indiscriminately by you-know-who. They are all criminals, if suspected of any wrongdoings, they deserve to be shot to death from the back or front or any angle. No discrimination at all!

    You crack me up too! ^_^

  33. I see no answer to my question. Figures. I guess what they say about conservatives is true.

    JMJ

  34. “You cons have no idea how stupid and callous you look when you make light of these things.”

    While conservatives have their flaws, there is nothing so ugly as that puritanical streak in the mind of the socialist, the end game being fascism. The end always justifies the means because of their sense of superior morality. It’s what makes them the ugliest sorts of hypocrites.

  35. Sylvain Allard

    April 19, 2015 at 1:28 am

    Will,

    Yet it is cons that are in awe of putin which is a true tyrant.

  36. “Bad habit discrimination”. Picking myself up off the floor… 🙂

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