I admit it. I am afraid of the sort of person who boasts of being a card-carrying LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM member. I would not want to be in a room alone with one of them, nor would I leave any under thirty in their care unsupervised.
It’s not that I’m afraid of my person or my soul, you understand, but I would positively dread having to listen to a LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM enthusiast chatter away on “gender theory”, perhaps those most stultifying subject known to mankind—excepting speeches by Nancy Pelosi, of course. Can you even bring yourself to imagine being lectured on, say, “Feminist solidarity after queer theory: the case of transgender“?
It is by now clear that feminist politics needs to speak to (and be spoken by) many more subjects than women and men, heterosexual women and lesbians. How—in theory and in practice—should feminism engage bisexuality, intersexuality, transsexuality, transgender, and other emergent identities that reconfigure both conventional and conventionally feminist understandings of sex, gender, and sexuality?
Maybe that passage would have been just tolerable as a way to pass the time before the warden came to get you for your final walk, except for a footnote appended onto “transsexuality”:
There is some political debate about whether “transexual” is a spelling preferable to “transsexual.” Some critics have suggested that an integrated rather than a compound noun avoids the problematic implication that transsexuals “cross sexes.”
Incidentally, that’s exactly the sort of thing many predicted we could get as a substitute for scholarship when universities went on their female-hiring binges to fulfill their quota of that sex (or is it ssex?) and so avoid charges of femaleaphobia.
All this was on my mind when I contemplated the new LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM theme house at Wesleyan university, a real place. Wesleyan, I said, named after John “Method in his Madness” Wesley. Would he be proud? Boy.
Open House is a safe space for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Queer, Questioning, Flexual, Asexual, Genderf**k, Polyamourous, Bondage/Disciple, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism (LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM) communities and for people of sexually or gender dissident communities. The goals of Open House include generating interest in a celebration of queer life from the social to the political to the academic. Open House works to create a Wesleyan community that appreciates the variety and vivacity of gender, sex and sexuality. [Edited]
Flexual? Must have something to do with those sweat-soaked cushy yoga napkins carried everywhere by women wearing ridiculously colored stretchy pants. Fashion hint: Ladies, no, you do not look good.
And, say, are pedophiles and woofies considered members of “gender dissident communities”? I’d guess yes.
That’s a better question than it first appears. Are there any behaviors that are still considered perversions? You can’t go by us uneducated civilians who still suffer from our various phobias, but do any academically trained gender theorists admit the existence of perversion? I don’t know the answer. Maybe one of you could wander into the Wesleyan LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM safe house and ask one of its habitues about that subject. If this person grows angry with you, punch this person in the nose. If this person complains, tell her/him/hyr/em/it you’re a sadist and got sexual satisfaction out of it. This person will have to let you go.
Now for the real reason for this column. To boast and brag. A year ago a contest to guess the next “orientation” letter was launched here.
What will be the next letter? Until recently, smart money was a second B for “bestiality.” Letters do not have to be unique; but if they did, then Z for “zoophile”, their preferred term. In Sweden and Germany, “Here, boy!” carries a different connotation than Stateside. But bestiality, while legal in those countries, is under fire from animal “rights” activists who are concerned about emotional scars on the Fluffies of the world.
I later modified that Z to W for woofies, which is a politer label.
None of us guessed the exact string used by Wesleyan—who could have?—but that there would be an agglomeration to LBGT most of us correctly forecasted. And since our forecast was right, it is good evidence that the theory which drove the forecast is true. That theory is the loss of essence, about which more another time.
We end with a quiz. Without peeking above, what were the exact letters and order of those letters in the new Wesleyan house of non-judgmentalism? Bet you don’t remember!