William M. Briggs

Statistician to the Stars!

Shaving Cream & Subscriptions

Travel day.

Subscriptions

Now it almost certain that if the right conditions existed, there would be a clamor among readers, perhaps reaching riot proportions, demanding a new way to contribute to the blog.

To forestall this and to avoid the subsequent bloodshed, I have magnanimously and with perspicacious foresight instituted Subscriptions.

Yes. For anywhere from 1 cool to 3 even cooler American dollars a month, you get daily—Did he say “daily?” He did! He did!—updates where I expand on my theme: Fools! I’ll destroy them all!

Don’t forget Christmas is coming up. How do I know? Two weeks ago Bryant Park already put in their “Holiday” (they won’t say which) Village. This was before Halloween. Fools!

But subscriptions do make great gifts. That’s well known. We can’t deny a truth based on a date. Get one for every progressive professor you know.


Subscription Options




Subscriptions can be managed on the Donate! page.

Shaving Cream

Calling all readers and versifiers. We stand in need of new lyrics to Shaving Cream (video above) related to Global Warming, Scientism, and other rank Policitizations of Truth. Here’s an example.

Global warming forecasts are frightening
They might just upset you a bit
But when you look at their skill scores
You realize that they’re full of—

—Shaving cream, be nice and clean
Shave every day and you’ll always look keen

Obscure and choppy, but then I am an amateur writing in a hurry. Your considered entry will doubtless be superior.

If our collection is good enough maybe we can convince somebody with actual talent to record it for us? Who knows the accordion? It’ll be good publicity for you.

Because Yours Truly is lazy and didn’t want to type in the refrain, he went to the internets in search of something cut-and-pasteable, which landed him on Lyrics Mode, which had the song in full. Or almost in full.

The second verse originally began “I think I’ll break off with my girlfriend\Her antics are queer, I’ll admit”. But the site changed queer to q****. Now I ask you: is this censorship or bigotry?

Then I wondered. Is it only this site or are others equally skittish? Second up was ScoutSongs.com cut the offending verse entirely, though maybe because they added extra ones. Other sites (I checked four) all had the suspect word, so all is not lost.

The real question is: will Dr Demento someday have to go into hiding?

Update Only one song?! And not even set to Shaving Cream? C’mon, people! But profound gratitude to those who donated. I appreciate it very much.

3 Comments

  1. Wow! I can be a super nice guy for only three bucks a month! Cool!

    Of course the ScoutSongs cut the verse. That should have been self-evident.

  2. A lyrics hunt? You’re giving away the site for a just a song and are passing on the dance? Well then, here’s my entry:

    First verse: Yo,baby, baby, baby; Yo, baby, baby baby
    Chorus: Chum cha chikka chikka; Chum cha chikka chikka
    Second verse: Yo,baby, baby, baby; Yo, baby, baby baby
    Alternate chorus: Shum cha chikka chikka; Shum cha chikka chikka

    Repeat until fade out then segue to first eight bars of Cage’s 4’33”

    Kinda catchy, huh?

  3. I’ll try something over the weekend

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