The extraordinary Synod released into the wild Monday its draft relatio which caused a lot of emotions to soar. The Left cheered, “This is the beginning!”, while the Right said, “This is the end!” (Both could be correct, of course.) Look for a spike in both champagne and whiskey sales as giddiness takes over.
One paragraph (#50) in particular captured the imagination of the world:
Pedophiles have gifts and qualities to offer to the Christian community: are we capable of welcoming these people, guaranteeing to them a fraternal space in our communities? Often they wish to encounter a Church that offers them a welcoming home. Are our communities capable of providing that, accepting and valuing their sexual orientation, without compromising Catholic doctrine on the family and matrimony?
No, wait. Something wrong with the keyboard. My bad. It actually read:
Adulterers have gifts and qualities to offer to the Christian community…accepting and valuing their sexual orientation…
Darn it. This new WordPress dynamic editor kills me. Try again:
Murderers have gifts and qualities to offer to the Christian community…accepting and valuing their furious raging temptations…
That’s not it either. Never mind. Since I can’t seem to get the editor to work, meanwhile you can link over the original, uncorrupted text.
Anyway, I don’t see why all the steam. Of course pedophiles, adulterers, and murderers are people, too! So are tax cheats, arsonists, and members of Congress. Listen, sisters and brothers, we’re all sinners needing the Grace of God, a grace we should beg with fear and trembling. That’s all the paragraph is trying to say.
This is no earthquake. There really isn’t anything to see here. Move along.
Does seem a bit unfair to all the other sinners to highlight the “gifts and qualities” of just one group, though. People are going to feel left out. Right now some little old lady is sitting in the back of the pews thinking, “All I do is gossip about my family members, which I know is sinful and hurtful, and I don’t even get one lousy paragraph?” The only answer we can give her is: Whoever said life was fair?
Just a moment. I think I have it…yes. The editor is fully functional again. Here’s #21.
The Gospel of the family, while it shines in the witness of many families who live coherently their fidelity to the sacrament, with their mature fruits of authentic daily sanctity must also nurture those seeds that are yet to mature, and must care for those trees that have dried up and wish not to be neglected.
Reactionary groups charged that the bishops cribbed this from the inside of a “Just Because” greeting card bought at a ₤100 store back in 1999, and reportedly found earlier this week between the seat cushions of a couch in Cardinal Wuerl’s hotel room. In answer to these serious allegations, Catholic blog watchdog Team Patheos said, “Reactionaries are poopy heads.”
I frankly don’t see it as a big deal. These bishops are busy guys and they only had a day, day-and-a-half to complete the relatio. They were thus in a position of a college student coming off a Thursday night with a term paper due next morning, and there sits before him Wikipedia in all its tempting glory. Besides, it’s the thought that counts, not the source, right?
The greeting-card crib may not have been the only skullduggery. A highly placed anonymous Source and self-described Zed-Head was able to tell your intrepid reporter that he suspects portions of the relatio were inserted by Chinese hackers who broke into the Vatican computers.
“How else do you explain phrases like paragraph nine’s ‘a greater need is encountered among individuals to take care of themselves, to know their inner being, and to live in greater harmony with their emotions and sentiments, seeking a relational quality in emotional life’ and thirteen’s ‘interpreting the nuptial covenant in terms of continuity and novelty’?” he asked.
“What have these to do with Catholic teaching and the salvation of souls? There is no way any faithful, conscientious bishop would have written these things. It must be from hackers.”