William M. Briggs

Statistician to the Stars!

How Teachers Learn To Identify Weapons From Non-Weapons

Civilians are too stupid to realize these are guns

Yet another “educator” has confused the difference between a weapon and the fantasy of one.

A 13-year-old boy from New Jersey was suspended from school for two days last week and forced to undergo a five-hour long physical and psychological evaluation after another student accused him of making “gun motions” with a pencil.

The seventh-grader said he was simply twirling a pencil with a pen cap on the end but another student, who was bullying him earlier in the day, yelled out, “He’s making gun motions, send him to juvie.”

And so he was carted off to a shrink and made to swear he didn’t have homicidal tendencies. Though how the kid didn’t want to wring the neck of Vernon Schools Superintendent Charles Maranzano is unknown. Maranzano justified the school pretending the pencil was a gun with the words “We never know what’s percolating in the mind of children, okay, and when they demonstrate behaviors that raise red flags, we must do our duty.”

This level of brain damage is rare—I mean in Maranzano, not the boy—and usually the result of “experiments” with progressive totalitarian ideologies in college, an always present danger when young adults are packed off to remote schools without parental supervision. As it is Maranzano was left permanently damaged and suffers from femininism.

This is not a typo. Feminism, which Maranzano does not appear to have, is the delusion that woman are everywhere superior to men because of Equality. On the other hand, Femininism is when a man starts acting like a female, when he becomes utterly feminine. Symptoms are when the stricken sees deep meaning in phrases like “Somebody might get hurt” and “We never know what’s percolating in the mind of children“. Sufferers will carry expensive electronica to trendy coffee shops simply to be seen there with these high-status items (think jewelry and handbags).

The worst manifestation, and a sign the disease has progressed past the hope of a cure, is when the afflicted sees a boy who is not acting sufficiently like a girl and then seeks to “right” the situation.

Once upon a time, not that long ago when our nation still knew sanity, people used to realize that “gun motions” with a pencil were not guns. Neither were drawings of guns actual guns. Nor were Pop Tarts with bites out of them guns. Nor forefingers. Nor was anything that was not a gun a gun.

Now, of course, in a time where reality itself has been given its walking papers and the few who still honor it are hounded from polite society, femininism runs unimpeded.

This originally appeared in slightly different form in an article I wrote about how Fred Astaire sat plinking signs in Manhattan on Eight Avenue in the old days with a .22. I wrote correctly, “If this happened today, the nation’s collective hand-wringing would be so grievous that there would be nobody left who could grip their chopsticks.”

Femininism can only be contracted when an individual is surrounded by heavy concentrations of those who have the disease. Places like the federal bureaucracy, television news studios, the San Francisco City Council, increasingly the military, and, its natural incubation grounds, teacher colleges.

Here is the transcript I discovered from a teachers college showing how educators learn to differentiate weapons from non-weapons. “P” is a female professor of educational studies and “T” is a student.

P: “Now what is that, Mr Hillcrest?”

T: “It’s a stick figure holding some blob of an object.”

P: “No! It’s a weapon, Mr Hillcrest. A deadly weapon!”

T: “But it’s just a draw—”

P: “Don’t you care about the children! This is a weapon! This is used to kill, Kill, KILL!”

T: “But…”

P: “Do you want blood on your hands, Mr Hillcrest? This is a vicious, vile weapon! It cannot be tolerated!”

T: “I guess it could be, maybe at a stretch, considered…”

P: “Bodies! Mr Hillcrest. Dead bodies. Created by weapons like this! Now what is it!”

T: “It’s a weapon.”

P: “Good boy. I see that you are principal material, Mr Hillcrest. Now take a look at this chewed Pop-Tart.”

Today is day 5 of Happy Week at WMBriggs.com. How am I doing?

13 Comments

  1. “Today is day 5 of Happy Week at WMBriggs.com. How am I doing?” Is this a trick question? I love big brother.

  2. I see “happy week” is over. 🙁

    My first thought was this is basically like Russia was/is–except that bullies use the idiocy of the teachers and staff to add further to their power. In Russia, you ratted out your parents for anti-state behaviour. Here, you further bully a child by enlisting the help of the “state”.

    Second thought was that with kids using laptops, the pencil problem may to away–until someone realizes laptops are “vicious, deadly weapons” as are clothes, shoes, etc. And in the end, we have children naked and memorizing all the speeches teachers give from memory. If that proves unfeasible, we simply use the internet and never let students interact. It would reduce the cost of education. 🙂

    (Side note: The bully might qualify for Men in Black, if you remember how Will Smith did on the “identify” the bad guy hostage situation.)

  3. “Today is day 5 of Happy Week at WMBriggs.com. How am I doing?”

    Not very well if this is the kind of stuff you are thinking about. Find your happy place Mr Briggs.

  4. Sheri “except that bullies use the idiocy of the teachers and staff”.
    Not the idiocy, the collaboration. It is the unwritten rule that most teachers look the other way on bullying in return for relative peace in the classroom. The bullies (the real ones) are the enforcement arm of classroom management (I almost said teaching). It may be much worse now, but it was always such in the field of compulsory education, and it is the few teachers who buck the trend that have the most problems.

  5. Scotian: Interesting perspective. I had not considered that. Bullies serving a “policing” function. Hmmmmm

  6. Many years ago I read a book on the psycological origins of political correctness. The writer said that the PC believe they are victims of persecution and pointed out that this is the definition of paranoia, a psychosis.

  7. This is a perfectly reasonable action by the teacher. We’ve all heard the expression “The pen(cil) is mightier than the sword”, something mightier than a sword is be a gun therefore a pencil must be a gun! Schools must prohibit these dangerous tools otherwise the pupils might use them for writing and creating all sorts of antisocial things like e.g. complaints or even truth.

    (/sarc just in case)

  8. Oh Klono’s brazen claws the worlds gone mad. How on earth did we survive the sixties when we all played with Air Rifles and when I turned up on a Cub Scout parade without my sheath knife, Akela lent me one so I wasn’t “improperly dressed”.

  9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB6fJQYlJRg
    Death Wish final scene – finger gun at .52

  10. The 7th grader will learn a very astute way of getting even, to the bully and to authority figures at school.

    Hopefully, he won’t use the same tactics but bend those tactics to backfire on them. (Bad: Make bogus claims about teacher abuse, etc Good: videotape)

    Hopefully, he will not withdraw under intimidation and never stand up but use the very indoctrination system to his favor.

  11. Sorry couldn’t resist a second post. If anyone has seen the movie Riddick

    Prisoner: You’ll kill us… with a soup cup?
    Riddick: Tea, actually.
    Prisoner: What’s that?
    Riddick: I’ll kill you with my teacup.

    Kyra: Death by tea cup [pulls cup out of dead mans chest]
    Kyra: Damn. Why didn’t I think of that?

    In this case, Death by Poptart, toast, or twirling pen with cap..take a pick.

    Bullies are stepping up their ego gratifying power abuse and use pretend risk as the cover.

  12. When I was a little kid in the ’50s, I used to draw lots of pictures of airplanes and missiles and battle. Other than going on to fly in a warplane as a soldier, it didn’t seem to hurt me or represent a danger.

    On the other hand, the teachers did call in the FBI when I was 7. But, not for modern PC reasons. Rather, because they knew my father (and all the fathers in NE Albuquerque) worked on something secret. So they feared I had seen a secret airplane, and drawn a picture of it. Actually, I found out later, he was designing nukes (Sandia).

    Anyway, the end result was my parents called to the school for a reason that could “not be discussed on the phone,” to be questioned by the FBI. When the FBI asked what Dad worked on, he refused to tell them, but he said it wasn’t secret aircraft. They went away and there was no more trouble.

    Those were different, and much more benign days. But, at least in Albuquerque, they were a bit weird!

  13. Hmmmm, during my schooling a mate and I made a huge scene of an ongoing stick figure world war. We ended up with a large number of taped together pages of drawings of lots of little stickmen wreaking merry destruction upon one another.

    Worst thing that ever happened with it was a teacher telling us to leave that for now and get on with the maths problems on the board.

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