William M. Briggs

Statistician to the Stars!

Will Someone Please Laugh At These Jokes?

Well, I think these are funny.

Update And then for something not as funny.

Update This is for my number-two son.

18 Comments

  1. What jokes?

  2. Yes, let’s have a Goofball day before the Super Bowl.

    What did one statistician say to the other? “You are mean.”

  3. Briggs

    February 1, 2014 at 10:28 am

    JH,

    What an improbable answer!

  4. “What an improbable answer!”

    Was it significant?

  5. Oh.. greater omentum is missing in the gut pic.

  6. Briggs, thank you! I am indeed a kind person. ^_*

  7. Ye Olde Statisician

    February 1, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Drinking too much beer before the Super Bowl increases your p-value.

  8. Ha! A plate tectonics joke! 🙂

  9. YOS, p-value = potbelly value. Ha.

  10. How many statisticians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Answers:

    Two, but don’t ask me how they got in the light bulb.

    None, they take the mean of the light and the darkness and think they can still see.

  11. How about this one from today’s Drudge:
    “STUDY: People slow to react more likely to die prematurely…”

  12. Statistics show that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. The people who celebrate the most birthdays live longest.

  13. This is the best all time statistician joke:

    A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin…writing the answer…flipping the coin…writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying:
    “Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn’t even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?”
    The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: “Shhh! I am checking my answers!”

    After taking a quick poll of my geologist colleagues I found that 40% think your lead joke is funny, 40% did not, and 20% did not get it.

  14. Of course the best economist joke goes:

    An economist and a statistician are walking down the street together. The statistician says “Hey, look, there’s a $20 bill on the sidewalk!” The economist replies by saying “That’s impossible- if it were really a $20 bill, it would have been picked up by now.”

  15. Anytime you think you’ve gotten in the last word in an argument with your wife, you need to understand that what you thought was the last word is just the beginning of the next argument. 🙁

  16. I tried a mean of the three, still not funny.

    What the trick? Anyone?

    I’m gonna have to get out my Stats 101 book and se what I missed, has to be something in there somewhere….

  17. SteveBrooklineMA

    February 1, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    p-values are out! Kids in the know… know the p-curve is where it’s at.

    http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2377290

  18. An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are traveling through Scotland by train. They pass a field with a black sheep in it.
    “Ooh, look!”, says the astronomer, “Scottish sheep are black!”
    “No, no!”, says the physicist, “some Scottish sheep are black.”
    The mathematician sighed. “In Scotland”, he said, “there is at least one field in which there is at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black.”

    The other two throw him out of the window.

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