As I this morning scanned Facebook, I ran across the image below. Read it through and pause for a moment before continuing.
Notice anything strange? I was so intrigued by the editor’s use of brackets that I responded with the following:
Love the quotation [words cited from source]! An insightful [cap full o' thinkin'] analysis [figurin' out] of a morally stunted [short people] heretical [believing bad stuff about God] sect [I forget this one].
Naturally, it’s time for another no-prize contest. Who can come up with the most helpful edited quotation? Your audience are degree holding—this is not synonymous with educated—United States citizens. Extra points awarded if edits are in the voice of a sorority or fraternity member.
Here is my entry.
Four score and seven [many] years ago our fathers [not our real fathers; other peoples' fathers] brought forth [after thirdth] on this continent [happy land mass] a new nation, conceived [thought of] in liberty [forget this word: vote Obama], and dedicated [given] to the proposition [business deal] that all men [and women] are created equal [must pay their fair share].
Now we are engaged [living together] in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure [make it]. We are met on a great battle-field [area outside club] of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion [bit] of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting [right size] and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate [have sex with], we can not hallow [full of air] this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled [worked hard] here, have consecrated [good grief!] it, far above our poor power to add or detract [insult]. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished [not done] work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly [lot of knowledge] advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task [minimum wage job] remaining before us—that from these honored [Facebook friended] dead we take increased devotion [follow on Twitter] to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve [see better] that these dead shall not have died in vain [self-centered]—that this nation, under God [or "god"], shall have a new birth of freedom–and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish [Church place] from the earth.