Welcome to our WISE Uncle Mike, who provides for our review a unique idea to solve the world’s financial mess. Greek residents will want to pay particular attention. Your Host will return on Friday.
Sports fans, listen up. After much study and consultations with the top financial experts in the Nation, I have pinpointed the SOLUTION to our economic woes: democratize the franking privilege.
The ANSWER came to me while listening to former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan on Meet The Overlords. The august Ch. Greenspan sagely opined that the US Treasury can meet all debt interest obligations by simply PRINTING MORE MONEY!
That’s right (on the money) and everyone knows it. It’s the tried and true bipartisan, bicameral solution that the Overlards have been using for years. Whenever the Gummit needs more money, they simply print it. More precisely, they push a few buttons on the Federal Reserve computer, and Presto!, more money shows up on the ledgers of banks large and small, national and international.
One glitch in the current system is that more money does NOT show up in the accounts of the account holders, like you and me. That’s a bummer in the summer. But we have the SOLUTION!
Simply distribute, fairly and equitably of course, the franking privilege.
We could make it a cell phone app. You need more moolah, just push a few buttons on your cell phone. Instantly another 10, 20, 50 grr will show up in your bank account. Owe a few bills, maybe some interest due on your mortgage? Just apply the People’s Franking App ©™.
If it’s good enough for the Power Elite, it should be good enough for everybody.
I recall back a few months ago when Warren Buffett, the Richest Man in the World, appearing on the Charlie Rose Show, offered to buy all the “distressed” mortgages for ten cents on the dollar. As generous and kindhearted as Warren’s offer was, it didn’t go far enough. Hey, I thought at the time, I’ll give the bank FIFTEEN cents on the dollar for my mortgage. That beats Warren’s offer by 50%.
I immediately wrote my CongressOaf, the Honorable Porkly Bloathead, to inform him of my brainstorm. He never wrote back, but hey, apparently he was drunk at the time and busy tweeting his body parts to other constituents, so I let it slide.
But true patriot that I am, I cannot let the People’s Franking App ©™ fall into that same black hole.
Just think. Suppose you need an operation, or a car, or a new pair of shoes. Why slave away at some dead end job for peanuts? Why waste your precious time standing in line at the Welfare Office only to encounter some rude functionary with bad breath who dribbles out some pittance that won’t even buy you a small yacht?
The People’s Franking App ©™ cures all those ills. You want it, you can have it. It would be Christmas every day. Think of the stimulus! Heck, multiple stimuli. It would be a field day for manufacturers and other goods and service providers. They could charge almost anything for their wares. Why not? They might have a slight problem finding workers, since nobody would need to work for their pay anymore. But most people work for the sheer joy of it anyway, right? Think of the fun it would be to go to the office and hobnob with the other millionaires, comparing photos of each other’s corporate jets and trophy wives!
Jack up the tax rates. Who cares? That’s the beauty of the People’s Franking App ©™. You can pay your taxes with a push of a button. Any amount. No limit. The Gummit would be awash in money, and nobody would feel the pain except for a few folks with the dreaded “button finger syndrome” when your moneyfinger cramps up, but hey, doctors could charge whatever they want, no problemo.
Write your Oaf today. Demand democracy. Demand the People’s Franking App ©™. Let him, her, or it know that they must vote for egalitarian financial reform TODAY or else. The else being you won’t vote for him, her, or it again if they don’t. That’ll put a fire under them.
PS — Coming Soon, the People’s Voting App ©™ which will give each citizen unlimited votes and thereby level the playing field. Heck, it will level the entire country.